That is a man on a scale.
When you take your baby to the pediatrician, you will often receive a number of percentages, sharing where in the range your baby falls in categories such as height and weight.
For example, Babs is tall for her age, so she is in the 75 percentile in height. Like her old man.
This got me thinking…why aren’t we measured in percentiles for our entire life? I think we should be, and this information should be in the public records.
Height 95%
Weight 5%
Athleticism (not including volleyball) 85%
Athleticism (including volleyball) 30%
Hair spikiness 80%
Chest Hair 65%
Regret for dying hair orange in college 100%
Musical Ability 70%
Ability to remember lyrics 25%
Heath Consciousness 75%
Pizza Consumption 65%
Beer Consumption 60%
Health Consciousness
(If beer and pizza didn’t exist) 95%
Driving ability 75%
Parallel Parking Ability Not as good as my wife
Sense of humor 80%
Sense of emotion 20%
Sense of smelling bacon 95%
Yes, I believe we should all be judged on a daily basis, based on our percentiles in life.
I can see it already. Frank goes in for a job interview, and he impresses everybody at the paper clip manufacturing company. However, when the bosses see that he falls in the 90% of checking fantasy sports at work, he misses out on the job. But…he did win $120 two years ago in his fantasy basketball tournament, so things are starting to look up.
What percentile in entertainment value did this column receive in your mind?