We joke a lot on Life of Dad but we’re also a sounding board for guys (and ladies) looking for advice and guidance as parents. Postpartum depression is no laughing matter and so when one of our users sent us this, “My wife has been suffering from postpartum depression. Does anyone have advice on how I can help her?” we knew they’d be a roster of fellow dads and moms available to answer the call. We were not disappointed. Here’s just a sampling of the helpful tips and ideas you shared for helping mom through postpartum depression.
Kate Clancy: As someone who suffers from depression and anxiety full time, I knew the triggers for PPD and was already on meds. The BEST thing you can do is talk to her and listen (not fix). If you need to see a counselor or more, help her navigate that. Never let her feel alone and help as much as you can with the baby.
Tisah Leigh: A dear friend posted this:
If you have a friend or loved one who experiences or suffers from post partum depression and/or anxiety, saying things like:
“Don’t you just looooove being a mom?”
or “Don’t you just looooove your baby?”
or “Isn’t it the best job in the whole world?”
or “Don’t you love breastfeeding?”
or “Well have you done X?”
or “Well why don’t you try y.”
or “well why don’t I come over and hold your baby so you can go do something” (this one is very difficult especially for the anxious ones)
Can all be very hurtful, painful and frankly so useless. Worse, these statements tend to further the shame and guilt mama might already be feeling about her anxiety and depression when there IS of course so much joy and pleasure and happiness around her simultaneously. These statements can therefore be incredibly isolating for mama.
If you have a friend or beloved mama in this boat please try these instead:
You are doing a great job.
I see how hard it is and I know how much you love your baby.
I understand.
I see you.
I know.
Its all true.
The paradox is very real.
I hear you.
Yes. Motherhood is really hard.
Its ok to feel that.
You don’t suck at being a mom.
So many others have been there too.
Lets take a walk and I can listen to you.
I hope this helps.
We think it will, Tisah. Thank you for sharing this with our Life of Dad community!
Amanda Marcell: She should talk to a professional but as far as what you can do in your daily life, just give her moral support and don’t get mad at her for the things she does that seem out of character because it is most likely out of her control. (Mood swings, anger, lashing out, can’t get out of bed) and most importantly always offer to help her with stuff because it may seem overwhelming for her.
Eric Burger: It helped my wife to kinda treat her like she was still pregnant. The baby came and suddenly nobody asked how she was doing anymore, nobody bothered to see if she needed anything even though she had just had a c-section. All the attention went to my son, and I’ll admit I’m a guilty of this too. Once I recognized that she did still need me, she did still need a some extra help, affection, and attention it seemed to help her.
Amanda Wade: You can help her, help herself. I suffered from ppd 3 times. Have her go have her hormones checked to make sure they are leveling out after pregnancy. Have her talk to a councilor. Meds are available if she needs them. I known a lot of people may be against them but momma needs a clear head to be the best parent she can be. Be very supportive. Try and give her an hour to herself ( leave with the baby as long as baby is around it doesn’t count as a few min a rest momma never rest when there babies are in the house). Take over a nighttime feed if you can so momma can get a good 5 hours or so of sleep. Get outsides. Sunshine replaces vitamin d which has been link to depression.
Carye Hillestad: I’m presently suffering from PPD. We knew I would end up with it since I already suffer from depression and anxiety. But what my husband does that helps me is he lets me rant as much as I need to. He doesn’t take my mood swings personally. He encourages me to see the Dr (we had a talk prior to delivery of how to bring that subject up) he helps so much with our son. He makes dinner just about every night and does the after cleanup. He lets me sleep when he’s able to. Every single day he and I set aside half hour while the baby is napping or content being in his swing and we just sit on our deck and talk and connect. We’ve done that for the entire 3 years we’ve been together and I know I need it so much more these days.
Joy Gosden Brown: Listen to her – and no matter what she says do NOT tell her “it will get better” or, “it’s just a phase”. These phrases make a person feel as though what they are experiencing isn’t serious. Listen to how she is feeling and don’t tell her that she is wrong to feel that way. Hug her, hold her when she feels down.
This is just the start of the tremendous support, help and advise our community shared in response to this question about Postpartum Depression. Read more on our Facebook page.
Flickr photo by Alick Sung, used under Creative Commons license.