Well here I am, deployed soldier, fiancé and step-daughter at home along with our baby boy who was born while I was gone. Just one problem, everything changed but me. As redeployment approaches I can’t help but be scared to get home. Everything has changed and where do I fit in? Will I fit in? Will I be accepted? This is my second deployment and I was single when coming home from my first one. That was an easy transition. Drown my experiences, bury the past year and go back to having fun. Almost six years later and here I am with a house, a family, a routine that’s not one I’m used to or have been included in for the last nine months. Fear has started to set in as I prepare for homecoming day. My fiancé(Ashton) and I will be getting married soon. We’ve been together just over two years now. Our son was born in August while I was overseas. I miss my little girl tremendously and have been hating life without her.
Ashton and I have dealt with a lot since I’ve been gone. How do I explain all this to her? I have this image of coming home and her dumping the kids on me and going into hibernation for two weeks. I’ve never had a baby before and I have missed the first four months of his life. Sure I’ve changed diapers on my boy cousins when I was a teenager left to baby sit. I was in my daughters life since she was two so I’ve kind of gone through the potty training phase and had to deal with a child’s emotions. But a baby? Ashton has had to deal with a 5 year old and a baby for the last four months and also with being pregnant and a five year old before that, oh and without me. Guys I’m telling you, she’s a freaking super hero! But I know she’s worn down, she needs a good nights sleep, she needs me and my help. How am I going to get throughout the day stepping into the role as a new dad who hasn’t been there, trying to reconnect with Ashton, and my daughter, and introduce myself to my son all at once? It’s a lot to handle! How do I not fail?
I haven’t made it home yet so I’ll have to write and discuss how my plan worked, but laid out here is my plan for my near future. BREATHE!! I got this! I would never turn and run, I would never cower in fear and give up on my squad. Why should I be worried I would do that to my family? Nothintg I plan, nothing I think I will do or not do is going to matter if I’m freaking out about failing. I need to have confidence in myself that I can do this. I’m going to let my family guide me in how my priorities are going to be arranged.
I look at it this way, when I step off that plane my little girl is going to run and hug me first before anyone else. She’s number one. Let me explain, she’s five years old, a handful and has been forced to take a side seat since my son was born and has not had the attention she needs due to no ones fault but mine and me being gone. She will get the first hug, daddy is home. I know she’s been a handful while I’ve been gone and Ashton needs a break, so making sure Averi is occupied and distracted and given love and attention to is my first priority. Okay, so who’s number two then? Newborn baby or fiancé? Well go back to the airport scene, Ashton will get the next hug and kiss. After my daughter is happy and given attention throughout the day it’s time to turn to the love that made this all possible. When Averi is down for a nap I’ll turn and say “Baby, you need anything? What can I do to help? Want me to take him so you can go lay down?” Whatever she wants she’ll get. Our son has been and will be breastfed, so her stress directly coordinates with his eating habits and sleeping patterns and his stress levels. (How do I know this? Downtime in the army allows me to read, a whole lot) So, I know she needs time. I plan on giving her whatever amount of time she wants or needs. Next is my son, Kaleb, after everyone winds down, the girls are sleeping is my time to bond with my baby boy. Tell him I’m sorry for missing his birthday. Tell him stories about my trip and tell tales of how his daddy traveled a great distance to make sure he was born safe and sound back him in his Mommy’s arms. Let him in on dads secrets and sing to him as long as he lets me do so.
Well that’s my plan. Let’s see how this goes. I’ll post a new blog when I get home and let y’all know how it goes.
Ken