I didn’t want to write this letter, but I had to. This will be mailed to the president of Disney Junior this morning.
Here’s the letter in regular text…
Dear Members of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse,
You probably don’t know who I am, but I know exactly who all of you are.
Mickey! Minnie! Donald! Daisy! Goofy! Pluto! Pete!
My daughter wakes up next to your characters in her crib, she watches you on TV every day, and she reads your books before she goes to sleep.
Thank you for being great role models, as well as kind mice, ducks, dogs, giants, and suspicious goofy characters.
If I can be frank with the members of the clubhouse…my daughter has begun to love you too much. You see, she has begun to go through her “terrible twos,” and she’ll whine and cry just for us to put your show on.
If we tune into the clubhouse, she’s happy, but as the hot dog song finishes, she starts saying “Another Mickey… Watch Mickey again.” This process could repeat all day…
You see, Mickey et al…something has to give.
I’m cordially asking you to go on an extended hiatus until my daughter turns three, and hopefully can control her emotions a little bit better.
Think about it, wouldn’t a vacation be nice? You all are overworked on TV, in books, movies, and theme parks. I know that Mickey could use some private time with Minnie. I’m sure that Donald and Daisy want to have baby ducklings already. Pluto must be ready to take a long nap. And Goofy has to figure out what in the world he actually is.
Just to be clear, I’m asking you to take a year off of television, so my daughter can realize she doesn’t NEED you to survive. Ka-peesh?
We love you, but we need you to disappear for a while. I’ll be happy to drive you to the train station.
See you in 2013. Goodbye now.
Sincerely,
Tom Riles