One Sunday, Simon asked if tomorrow was a school day.

It sure is, buddy! I said, in my most chipper voice, fearing what was about to come. I expected tears. What I got instead was somehow worse.

Oh no, he sighed with sad resignation, that means I have to give you a hard time. 

Wait. What!? No. No, you don’t!

Yes, I do. I have to give you a hard time.

It was a foregone conclusion. But why? WHY!!! Simon seemed to think that going batshit crazy was part of his daily responsibilities. No wonder: every day for the past 4 months has been pretty much the same story over and over. I don’t want to go to school! I want to go to work with Mommy!! My tummy hurts. I DON’T WANNA GO TO SCHOOOOOOOOOL!!!! Maybe the protests, which at some point inevitably devolve into indecipherable whining, subside for a minute or two as we drop Penny off at her school, but they definitely ratchet way the hell up when we let Allie off at the train station. MOMMY!!!! NO TAKE ME WITH YOU MOMMY I WANT TO GO TO WORK WITH YOU WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL NOOOOO!!!!! MAHHHHH MEEEEE!!!!!!

The next ten minutes alone with Simon are torture, but they’re only the second worst part of my day. His high pitched howls echo in the cavernous, yet suddenly too small, mini-van. I find myself explaining to him why he has to go to school; asking him why we have to go through this every day; reminding him how much fun he has and how much he loves playing with his friends; pleading with him to please stop crying.

I find myself being completely ignored.

Having the same Sisyphusian conversation with Simon is frustrating. Leaving him at school – with him screaming my name, trying desperately to cling to my leg, begging me to take him home – is heart wrenching. An emotional gut punch. Every day. Every. Single. Day. As bad as the car ride is, as much of my hearing as I have lost as a result of his Harpy-shaming shrieks, THIS is it. This is the worst part of my day, making me feel like the world’s worst parent, thinking I am doing something wrong.

This is my fault. How did I let this become the routine?

Still, I always hope for the best and just the other day I was feeling particularly optimistic. My misplaced confidence was quickly ground to an unrecognizable paste when Simon had an out of control pre-breakfast tantrum. Apparently, while I was walking the dog a Pokemon card trading deal with his sister that had somehow gone south. This was not going to be a good morning. A hard rain was going to fall.

After dropping Penny and Allie off that day, I told Simon what was going to happen when we got to school, because it was what happened every day: we would walk in and people, maybe a teacher or parent but definitely at least one of his classmates, would ask me why he was crying. The answer he gives when we ask, is because he misses his mommy. But it’s more than that. Like he told me, he has to give us a hard time. That’s what the routine has become and his brain tells him that is what’s required. It’s in his story. I needed to change that story. I have the power to help!

We walked up the stairs and, on cue, two of his friends asked me why he was crying. Instead of answering them, I took Simon out of his class and into the bathroom. I told him it was time. Time for what? he asked, clearly confused.

Time to…shake it off, shake it off. Woo hoo hoo!

I channeled my inner Taylor and danced like a goofy, gangly white girl (Taylor Swift at her best, IMHO). And taking a cue from Kanye, I thought, Imma let you finish crying. Later. Now it’s time for some smiles. I started jumping around, waving my arms and then pulling his, making him dance with me. He practically fell ass backwards into the urinal, he was laughing so hard. Simon had no idea what was going on and he loved it! We walked back to his class with big smiles on both of our faces. He didn’t look thrilled as I walked out the door, but he stayed with his friends and (I’d like to believe) I heard him laugh when I was in the hallway.

That was yesterday.

Follow Dave Lesser on Facebook and read more on his site Amateur Idiot / Professional Dad.

Dave Lesser is a former attorney who much prefers his job as a stay-at-home dad to two hilarious and adorable children. His amazing wife fully supports his love of obstacle course, road and trail races. He ran his first full marathon over a year ago and still won’t shut up about it. He has contributed to Time Ideas, the Huffington Post, NJ Family, SheKnows and the Good Men Project. When his kids remember to do something hilarious and adorable, he blogs about it at www.amateuridiotprofessionaldad.com. Follow him on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook or, at a safe distance, in real life.