To: Federal Reserve Board
Attn: Ben Bernanke
20th Street and Constitution Avenue, NW
Washington, CD 20551
Dear Ben,
Although we have never met in person, I have watched your work from afar. Attempting to put the entire country on your back through the financial crisis, you have to make decisions that are best for the majority of people in America.
We may have actually crossed paths between 1997 and 2001. I was attending the College of New Jersey, in Trenton, when you were a tenured professor at Princeton, the next town over. Did you eat at that bagel shop?
Congrats on all of your success. Kind of makes me wish I took my college economics class a bit more seriously. Supply and demand, brother.
Today, I’m asking you to make a decision that will benefit my family directly. You see, we are close to buying a new house, and even though the interest rates are historically low, I would like to ask you to go even lower.
Without warning to anybody (except for me), can you lower all interest rates to either .001 or .002 percent?
I realize there are other factors in play, in addition to the home loan we are trying to secure, but for one day, even just one hour, could you pretty please lower the rate?
Now that we have agreed on that, we just have to figure out how you are going to notify me that the rate adjustment has been done.
Do you text? Facebook? Skype? A tweet may be too public.
Wait…I got it. I just read that you used to be a band geek. Me too! I played the trumpet for 8 years (it was cool at my school, I swear). Since you played the saxophone, how about this….The day that you are going to lower the interest rates to .001 percent, you open your press conference by playing “Another One Bites The Dust,” on your sax.
Cool. It’s all worked out now. I look forward to hearing your groovy saxophone stylings soon, on the day that you will help my family save thousands of dollars.
I’ll see you soon at the KatManDu bar in Trenton.
Economically yours,
Tom Riles
www.LifeofDad.com