Over the past couples weeks my baby has gone from crawling to taking steps on her own.  I always wonder what is going on in her head when she is learning something new like this.

With the help of modern technology, we placed a “Thought Reader” device into my daughter’s baby food, which sent her thoughts directly to my Droid.

For the first time in the history of the world, I share exactly what a baby was thinking when she took her first steps. 

 The Baby is deep in thought while holding on to the coffee table with one hand.

BABY

 I think I’m starting to like Cheerios.  A lot better than those lame banana puffs.

 The Baby sees her Mama holding Minnie Mouse, just a few feet away.

 BABY

   I know that mouse.  Where do I know her from?  I think I want to eat her nose.  The woman whose uterus I traveled through is holding that mouse about two feet away, three feet high.  If I sit down and crawl over, I’ll have to stand up again, and by that time, that mouse could be gone.  Where have I seen that mouse before?

 The Baby, still staring at Minnie Mouse smiles and laughs.

 BABY

 Haha.  I first saw that mouse at the Disney Store at the mall.  That was in early December.  My dada had the mouse dancing, all up in my grill, and I gave him a consolation laugh.  Then I saw the old man put the mouse in a bag, and then it magically re-appeared on Christmas morning.  Nice try tricking this baby, you geezer.

 The Baby lets go of the table and is standing on her own, staring at Minnie Mouse.

BABY

I have to get to this mouse before those geriatrics wrap it up and re-gift it to me on my birthday.  That’s it, I’m taking a step.  I’ll take two, actually.

 The Baby’s Mama celebrates as the baby has takes her first two steps.  The Baby grabs Minnie Mouse, and begins to eat her nose.

 BABY

 Let’s see them take this mouse away now that I’ve left my saliva all over it.  Yeah, I just walked…no big deal.  I bet when my dad gets home from work, these senior citizens are going to want me to do it again.  Maybe tomorrow, fools.  I’ll walk when I want to.  Peace out, America.