Dear Pottery Barn,

When I put my baby to sleep every night, she dozes off on a pair of your soft sheets.  You are always there for her, and she often drools on you.

My family eats off your plates for meals such as breakfast, lunch, dinner, and sometimes even snacks!  I hand wash your precious tableware multiple times each day.  I’m always holding and cleaning you.  You take care of us, so I take care of you.

Our windows look fancy because of your curtains.  I’m particularly speaking of your room darkening curtains, which keep my baby asleep as if it is 2AM, when it is really 8AM.  This gives me enough time to shower with the assistance of one of your shower curtains.  If my daugther didn’t have the room darkening curtains, I might not have enough time to bathe.

Our friends and family stay warm at night because of your quilt.  We bought a pink one with daisies on it, which lays on our guest room daybed.  There’s nothing better than having your father-in-law in town, and seeing him fall asleep underneath pink and yellow daisies.  We couldn’t have done this without you.

You know how it gets dark at night?  Well, we have one of your lamps which help us see better.  Pottery Barn and Thomas Edison sure make a great team.

This Christmas, our Pottery Barn stockings will be hung by the chimney with care.  Even if we get coal, at least it will be held in a high-quality stocking.

All of our baby’s diapers, wipes, and diaper creams are located in one of your diaper caddie baskets.  Thanks for keeping all of the essentials so well organized!  You help make a relatively nasty experience clean and simple.

My wife just this past week ordered one of your woven rugs which will rest in our daughter’s room.  Your trailblazing innovation will again effect our lives greatly, as it will be much softer sitting on the ground now, while reading books to our daughter.

There are other day-to-day uses of your products in our household, which are slipping my mind right now, but the entire Riles family just wants to say thank you.

You’re probably wondering why I’m thanking you for all this, right?

Well, my wife is over seven months pregnant, with our second child, and I want to do something spectacular for her.

Please consider sending us your highest end adult bedroom set (headboard, dresser, and more), with the following terms:

–       0% down
–       0% interest
–       0% due for our entire lifetime

I know the Columbus Day sales are over, but please look over this offer very carefully.

I’m gonna go wash my face with one of your towels now,

Tom Riles
lifeofdad@gmail.com
www.LifeofDad.com