For my first post on Life of Dad, I figured I would take it back much further than the recent birth of my first daughter. That means taking it all the way back to Social Studies class in 8th grade, where I met a girl who I would marry some 14 years later. Nicole used to sit in front of me, and being the smart ass I am, I used to ask to borrow her calculator so I could figure out my current grade in class (which, of course, was always like 98%-99%…haha). I would then hand it back to her without clearing the number. What a charmer I was.
Through much of our late teens and twenties, we had a relationship that consisted of fun, fun, and more fun. Traveling anytime we wanted to, hitting up bars with friends, staying out to all hours of the night, throwing memorable parties in the house we bought after college. You name it, we did it. The next step, of course, was marriage. That didn’t slow us down one bit. Got married, fun continued.
Then, the late twenties show up, and any married man in his late twenties without kids already can relate to this. We start to have to the “I’m not getting any younger” talk. So, instead of jumping right into having kids, we decided to test the waters with a dog (Our chocolate lab, Cash).
As you can see, he's a lot bigger now
I can say this now, being a dog owner and a father, dogs and kids are very similar responsibilities. Obviously, you’re not going to put your child in a cage when you leave the house; although there have been occasions where my niece, Alexa, has willingly locked herself in Cash’s crate. Thus, started the evolution of our relationship from the early twenties fun to normal daily routines of cleaning up the three Ps (poop, pee, puke). My romantic arrival home from work always consisted of me asking Nicole, “When did Cash poop last?” Many times waking up in the middle of the night to the awful sound of him getting ready to throw up, and then trying to analyze what the hell came out of him. Calls and trips to vet because of things he swallowed. In no particular order…corn cob (threw up 3 weeks later), cellophane bag full of Easter cookies and candy (pooped out whole with contents still inside bag), loaf of apple cinnamon bread, etc. After a while, the thought of having a baby didn’t seem so difficult, and the evolution continues.
After finding out Nicole was preggers, emotions ran wild. I just wanted to run out and tell everyone! However, much like crashing weddings, I found out there are rules for pregnancy. Rule #1…You’re not supposed to tell people until after the first trimester. I’m thinking to myself, are you kidding me? That’s like someone telling you who really shot Kennedy and saying, “You can’t tell anybody!” Then come the rules for the mom to be…no drinking, no tuna, no lunch meat, no skiing, no caffeine, no hot tubs, no hot dogs, etc. Try telling an American you can’t have a hot dog during the summer.
The doctor’s appointments begin, and this is where it turns a little awkward for the fathers. Never really pictured myself sitting in an OBGYN office, but there I was. I learned and saw way too much. I’m actually thinking about inviting Nicole to my first prostate exam when I hit 40. Thoughts? At first, the appointments are once a month, but next thing you know, you’re visiting that office like a fat dude at a McDonald’s drive thru. Till finally you take her there for an appointment on a Thursday morning that she’s feeling “cramping” and the doctor calmly says, “Yup, you’re in labor. We’ll set you up with another appointment next Tuesday.” NEXT TUESDAY?????? WTF!! She explains that this process could take hours or days. Of course, we don’t even make it home before Nicole is telling me the contractions are getting much worse. So, we pack up, drop Cash Boy off at her mom’s, and head to the hospital where the triage nurse informs us, “Oh yea, you definitely having a baby today”. Thank you Captain Obvious.
So, at the hospital, the notion of a father learning and seeing too much gets multiplied exponentially. No details necessary here. All you need to know is the doctors and nurses are some of the greatest people put on this earth. I can hear the commercial now…”Bud Light Presents Real Women of Genius…Today we salute you, Ms. Anesthetist who shoved that HUGE needle in Nicole’s back.” Fast forward to 6:13pm on that Thursday night, October 13, 2011, I saw the next love of my life…Josephine Lynn Kraus
New addition!