Here we are, welcome to month eight of your pregnancy! Remember that show Eight is Enough? Some of you might because you’re old AF like we are. Well, in your baby’s case, eight isn’t quite enough, but babies born during this month (weeks 34-38) are typically in a good place. So hooray to you guys.

Creed Anthony of Tales From the Poop Deck feelin’ like Superman. (Click image for fatherhood awesomeness)

That’s not to say that it’s all smooth sailing from here on out. Your little dude or wahine still has some fine tuning to do. Particularly the lungs, brain and immune system…. You know, the little things. So don’t go having your lady move couches for you or anything. I mean, don’t do that in general either.

Your baby’s movements are getting slower this month, but don’t let that alarm you. Think of it this way. A while back you fit into your Z Cavariccis. You were able to rule your 7th grade playground and destroy at kickball while looking fly as hell. But now, if you tried to squeeze into those same pants, you’d have a bit of trouble kicking and rounding those bases. There simply isn’t any room to get the motion you used to be able to get. Same with your little one! Growth in the eighth month is pretty dramatic and room in the womb is at a minimum. If things are getting tight on the inside, think of how it’s starting to feel on the outside.

Rob Ainbinder aka Digital Dad spending a precious moment with his daughter. (Click image for fatherhood awesomeness)

With that expanding baby in the uterus, mom’s belly is stretched like a Bob Ross canvas on a lazy Sunday morning. She’s still going strong with the heartburn, flatulence, indigestion, backache and possibly hemorrhoids – even your most extensive pub crawl with 2am Taco Bell doesn’t stack up to this madness.

Your lady is also going to be a pee machine. She’ll be a walking Old Faithful, constantly on the verge of eruption. Her bladder will be squeezed to the size of a raisin (this is 100% not scientific, but based on observational guesswork.) She will have to go to the bathroom every 13.2 seconds, so don’t plan any long drives.