There are countless books, pundits and so called experts telling new and expecting parents what they should do, say, plan for and fear but we think hearing from actual parents is the best way to gain insight into the life of dad (see what we did there?). Here’s some nuggets of parenting wisdom from our Life of Dad community.
Need advice for a new dad? Here you go:
Gerald Wayne Botner has an important pivot that will take you from frustration to an act of love, and that will make your relationship with your child immensely more memorable and beautiful: “You may find yourself so frustrated that you want to scream and its at that very point where you should kiss them on the lips and forehead and tell them you will always be there for them no matter what.”
Not everyone had a great dad, unfortunately, so Lewis Hundley recommends that you “be the dad you needed when you were a kid.”
Brian Spencer made me us when he suggested that you “say yes when you really want to say no like after a long day of work. Yes to reading one more book, to a piggy back ride, to kicking the soccer ball, riding the bike.” Brian is saying, in short, ‘be present’, which we modern adults hear a lot but his saying it is so much more impactful.
New dads should print out what Justin Hicks says here and pin it up somewhere, because it is true: “To the scared dad, it’s not bad. It’s the opposite but you don’t want to believe that yet.”
Ben Northfield points out correctly that “You will see the best and worst in yourself sometimes come out through your kids, as they mirror you in so many ways” and reminds new dads to “Make sure your kids know they are loved. Make time to talk to them, ask them questions and tell them about yourself.”
Sure, it’s blunt but we couldn’t agree with Chris Altschuler more when he says, “don’t be a dipshit and leave the job of parenting to [mom]. Take ownership of raising that child…get your hands dirty.”
This might seem obvious but we parents are often really hard on ourselves. Harry Vazquez reminds us that “there is no such thing as a perfect parent but you can always strive for it.”
Here’s a message new dads don’t hear often enough. Thank you, Joseph Lewis: “Early fatherhood isn’t how it looks in the movies. If you look at your newborn child and don’t instantaneously fall in love, don’t beat yourself up, love WILL come sooner rather later.”
“Enjoy the little things and keep your cool,” says Robert M Slane, and “remember that every little thing you do is going to be the foundation on which they make even the simplest decisions in their future.”
Finally, Andrew Johnson reminds new dads to not “be too hard on yourself. Do your best, but never be ashamed of what you can not do. Ask for help when you need it, before you become desperate for the help.”
Do you have a piece of advice for a new dad? Please share it here or on the Life of Dad Facebook page!
*Flickr photo by DVIDSHUB, shared under Creative Commons license.