This is my first attempt at a blog, so please forgive me if I am not doing this correctly.
I am a 27 year old father of an awesome 1 year old boy. He is absolutely the greatest thing that has happened to me. My fiancee and I have been together since we met in college, which is now 7 years. We got engaged just before we both graduated from college and some financial issues arose, so we delayed our wedding. Then we got a surprise and 9 months later, our son was born. Our focus has solely been on our son and making sure that he has what he needs. I took a job working in a middle school as an un-certified employee, meaning I do about the same amount of work as a teacher, but get paid a lot less. My official job title is Behavior Intervention Specialist, but the real meaning behind it is “Overpaid Babysitter.” The kids that I work with are “at-risk” kids, that have various backgrounds, but for the most part they are just misbehaving in the classroom. I supplement the salary through coaching various sports. This year I picked up coaching 7th grade football, which is not my true passion. My passion is on the hardwood and in basketball. I eventually want to coach at the college level, but that takes a lot of time and sacrifice.
I often find myself questioning whether or not I should continue to pursue my dream of coaching at the college level. I am 27, have been coaching for around 4 years and have made tremendous contacts in the college realm, but I feel like I am sacrificing a lot of things right now for something that may not eventually happen. My pay is not great, so I struggle with bills and have to adjust finances almost every month. I want to continue pursuing my passion, but I also want to be able to provide financial stability for my family at home. There have been multiple fights over finances the last few months and the conversations never get any easier. I pay for what I can when I can, and I borrow money from people, knowing that I won’t be able to pay them back in due time, but I pay back what I can when I can. I just feel like an overall failure at one of the biggest challenges of my life. I want to be able to do things for my family, but I find that I am often coming up short or just having to forgo doing anything special.
At the end of the day, I want to continue to pursue my dreams and ambitions, but maybe it is time for me to stop living the pipe dream and focus on something else. My biggest fear is just falling into a job that has no meaning and I end up hating myself for it. For me, basketball isn’t just a game, it is an escape and the only place that I feel useful. After graduating from college, I sent out around 200 applications and resumes, only to never hear anything or just get rejection after rejection. Then I began just doing some volunteer coaching and sitting in at some basketball practices. I found that my passion for basketball was greater than I could have ever imagined. I had always loved the sports, but the feeling was different now, I wanted to be a part of the game and not just sit by and watch. When I am on the sidelines, I feel like that is where I belong and what I am meant to do, whereas when I am behind my desk at work, I don’t find any joy or meaning behind what I do. Don’t get me wrong, I love working with the kids that I get to work with because I am trying to help shape their futures for the better, but it doesn’t ignite me the way that basketball does, and after receiving so many rejection letters and phone calls for various positions that I applied for after college, I felt like I wasted my time on a degree that meant nothing.
I realize that by the end of this, I may sound more like a head case than anything else and that I seem extremely egocentric, but I am far from it. The reason I coach is not for my own personal glory, but to get young talented girls the chance to go to college on a free scholarship through basketball. My excitement doesn’t come just from a thrilling win over a team, but from the faces lighting up when they get a letter from a university saying they want them to come visit, or that they are interested in the player and want to come watch them play. Maybe my time will come soon enough, but for now, I have to do what I need to do in order to provide for my family. The job hunt has started as of 8:00 am EST today, and several applications have been sent out. Hopefully, I can continue to do what I love and be able to provide for my family, but only time will tell.
I wish you all the very best and I will continue to write updates either weekly or bi-weekly. Like I said when I started, this is my first official blog, so we shall see where this goes.