A Laid-Back Dad of Daughters Asks For Advice and Gets Hundreds of Responses

It’s not like we need the reminders but you guys, our Life of Dad Facebook community, are absolutely amazing. You’re hilarious, passionate examples of modern fatherhood every day and we’re so happy you choose to share your pictures and stories with us. But it is moments like this, when a fellow dad needs help, that your greatness shines through bright, loud and clear. Thank you for being there for us, but more importantly, for your peers in this crazy world of fatherhood.

We’re going to get started here with advice not from a dad but from someone who will give a unique perspective on this question, a daughter. Take it away, Sharon McWatson: Not a dad but I’ve been the daughter in that situation. Don’t change your parenting style based on your girlfriend. Consistency is the most important thing.

Nigel Wadeley: From my viewpoint, 3 daughters and single for 3 years following my divorce, my kids come first and any woman who wants to start telling me how to do my dad job won’t be giving that advice for long.

Bradley Farrow: I’m in a similar situation. My partner has a daughter. And for the most part she is a good kid. But I think my partner is too soft on her sometimes. Her daughter can be rude, not use her manners and not do as she’s asked sometimes. Behaviour which I think should corrected, which sometimes is, but not in a way that stops the behaviour happening again. Which I have an issue with. So I can kind of understand where your partner is coming from. But in saying that, I have no idea what the entire situation is. So the best thing to do would be to sit down and talk to her about her reasons. Nobody says you have to change how you do your job, but if you had her perspective on it, then you can make a better decision on what your next move would be.

Kevin Greenan: Girlfriends come and go but family is for life. However do take a look to ensure she hasn’t a point, perhaps a slight adjustment at the edges or tiny changes could help relationships with both.

Mark Pavone: Having been in this situation I would listen. At first you may not like it and I’m not saying to change everything she tells you about but realty take a step back and really look at it closely and then make a choice of whether or not you want to do things any different. I was a laid back dad myself and it was starting to affect the kids behavior and I couldn’t see it. My wife brought it to my attention and I corrected it.

Cheryl Clark: I was that girlfriend and now that wife. my stepdaughter was over all a good kid, however my husband was very soft on her because he felt guilty about the divorce. I will say now that I have biological children as well my parent googles are on and I’m more forgiving than I should be. i think until you have a child of your own it’s easy to judge and be harder on the child. listen to your girlfriend. Evaluate if it’s a valid concern, and act accordingly.

Marcus Hinojoz: She may be projecting. Perhaps she didn’t get enough discipline growing up and maybe had to really grow up on her own through life experiences. She may care a lot but isn’t getting the info to you in the healthiest manner. Because someone just doesn’t say stuff like that if they didn’t care about s kids future. Mental shaping and what not. But all kids and parenting styles are different. Different mentalities are all out there. If what your doing works for you and your girls then ask your girlfriend to respect your style.

Brian Lee: I can only give my experience but from the other side. When I was dating my now wife I met my stepson at 5 years old. Overall he was a great kid, well mannered and for the most part listened to his mom. He hated vegetables, as in if his food even had a spot of green he wouldn’t eat it and would gag. He was very overweight and over on his dad side of the family (his grandma pretty much raises him on that side) all he eats was junkfood. He plays video games all day and hardly went outside to play. I started implementing simple rules like a piece of veggie here and there and limiting his game time. I bought books and math/English workbooks for him to do so if he played too much video games he can read and do some homework or I’d go outside and play with him. Long story short it was hard for my wife when I started implementing these things but she understood it was best for her child. There were some growing pains but now the kid loves me, he eats veggies, plays outside, is well disciplined and has won several awards for doing well in school. My experience is over course not the same as yours but contrary to what most people are saying, I’ve felt that because I care about the kid I wanted the best for his growth. If I didn’t care for him, I would just let him do whatever he wants. My wife is now 30 weeks pregnant with my first child and I plan on changing nothing in the way we raise my stepson and my future son

Sonbeka Stillo: As a father I would say listen to her, make her explain why she thinks that, what’s the reason behind this. If that doesn’t make any sense to you just point it out, make your point on why you act like that with your daughter. Communication is always the key man, you always have to be open to talk, even more when you disagree

Danny Kerr: Dad of one, step dad to two I kinda know what your going through but in reverse I try and get all the kids to do as they’re told and behave but sometimes I say one thing they go to “Mum” to get a different answer which at times annoys me but a happy medium can be met eventually. I’m sure your girlfriend only wants the best for your girls and for them to grow up respectful young women.

To summarize the over three hundreds responses, I think the key here is to stay true but to be open to new ideas, especially if those new ideas come from a place of love and respect.

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*Flick photo by Jeffrey Avellanosa, used under Creative Commons license.