How A Dad Should React To Catching His Teen Daughter Drinking

Parenting seems hard at the beginning. There’s the infamous lack of sleep problem, the poop up and out of the diaper situation, projectile vomiting — man, that’s a classic — and all those crumbs in the car. But veteran dads know that the complicated stuff comes later on, when the kids are older, have more freedom, and can really scare the crap out of you and keep you up all night long not because they are whiny or gassy but because they might be out drinking (or worse). Here’s how the dads of our Facebook community reacted to a question submitted by a fellow dad who discovered his teen daughter was drinking.

Tiffany Thorson: I know when I was a teen the most memorable time I ever got in trouble was when my dad told me how disappointed he was with me. Not the yelling not being grounded ect.. But when he actually told me he was disappointed.

Ralphus Klan: First step is to probably address that she has broken the trust that you believed was understood. As such, further outings will have be limited until that trust can be re-established. If she says, “don’t you trust me?” you have to look her straight in the eyes and say something, “I have shown you a great deal of trust, that is why you were allowed to sleep over. We can now both see that there was a disconnect in the decisions that should have been made and those that were made. As a result, some of the trust that you have earned was lost. I want to rebuild that and it will simply take time now by showing you can reestablish making decisions that will benefit you.” It’s really about the trust, and she broke it. Her “punishment” is that you will have to second guess her for a while, which probably means she won’t be going as many placed unsupervised.

Adam Gibbs: I was drinking from 16 and my dad monitored it. He knew it was going to happen and figured it was best to know what and where I was drinking than to have me do it behind his back. Taught me to respect alcohol and I’ve only been drunk a handful of times since I was 18 (I was drunk plenty the years prior) I don’t think you can punish a 17 year old. Better to teach responsible decision-making and trust her with her decisions. You can’t shield your kids from outside world all their lives.

Tom Waters: As a father of 3 (ages 20, 18, and 12) your BEST bet is grounding off the gadgets (computer, phone, TV) for about two weeks. Also, add in some extra chores (washing windows, cleaning out and wiping down the fridge, etc.) Remember you’re her Dad not her buddy. It’s ok if she gets upset about it.

John Spartan: At this age, perhaps grounding, an allowance cut… but the most powerful punishment should be your disappointment.

A talk to include “I know this kind of thing happens, we were kids once”… “but be smart, at least you stayed out and didn’t drive around and risk killing someone or yourselves”.

The conversation needs to be about trust, and also to include “if… IF you do drink, and you need a ride, call at any hour, no questions asked, we come get you. A discussion (civil discussion on both sides) will be tomorrow”. Your raising an adult at this point.

Jancy Gonzalez: Best advice I could give is to sit her down and let her know that you know what happened. After that tell her the dangers of underage drinking that she could go to jail etc. Dont ever be to aggresive about it becuase at that age they will do it just to spite you. Another method would be turn off her phone and change the wifi password for a month or so to get her to understand that what she did was not only a danger but disrespectful towards you and the rules you have set. Hope that helps in time we all grow up and stop making dumb decisions till then lead her the only way you know how!

Paula Dell: Sit down and tell her you understand the experimental age but you are disappointed in her choices. Also say if it happens again there’ll be more serious consequences. Have alcohol in your home, share a glass of wine with the whole family over dinner so she feels adult enough to be trusted, Saturday cocktails when mowing the lawn etc. Point is if she’s exposed to it and it’s no longer a “biggie” then next time she’s at a party where her peers are getting legless the attraction won’t be big for her.

Andrew Hislop: Ask her how the experience went. Did she enjoy it? Or not. I had a cigarette when I was 7, took one big puff and thought I wonder why anyone does this. Since then, I only smoke Juul device because of its amazing qualities you won’t find in standard e-cigarettes, while for those who like vaping there are also great options like the Disposable Vape Wholesale for temporal use. When it comes to modern smoking alternatives, vapes and more stand out due to their versatility. From design to functionality, users have a myriad of options to choose from.  She had a drink, in safety at her friends house to see what it was like. This is natural curiosity. Punishment is not needed here. Understanding and a life lesson is needed.

Gregory Colton: Talk to her. That’s it. No punishment. No yelling. No harsh words. Sit her down and let her explain how it happened and why she made that choice. Tell her you’re disappointed. Tell her it scares you when she makes those kinds of choices. And then recognize she has to learn lessons the hard way and become independent.

*Flickr photo by Bailey Weaver, used under Creative Commons license.