How A Dad Can Support His Spouse Who Is Putting A Career On Hold To Care For The Kids

We love this question from a Life of Dad user so much because it shows how far men have come. Sure, he’s not the one staying home with the kids but he is concerned about his wife and her career and how she will take putting her work life on hold that he reached out to a large group of other guys for guidance in helping her. That is so awesome. Here are some of the awesome responses.

We love you guys. And you moms, your input here is invaluable!

Frank Mckinnon: Just make sure you have room in your schedule so your wife can have at least one day a week to herself. To go to the gym, meetup with friends, whatever.. She’s going to need some separation from being around the kids 24/7. Let her know youre willing to do that for her.

Adam Brown: Hand her an anthropology book.
Then hand her a psychology book.
Read about how backwards we really are here in Western culture, by promoting the idea that staying home with your child is wrong.
There are seemingly endless amounts of (psychological) data to support staying home with your kids. They will be much better off, and the bond you gain with them is lifelong.

Last little bit:
Money and careers are temporary and artificial. The years when your children are young will never come back. You only have one chance to get it right.
Invest in your kids by giving them your time.

Your wife will be alright, especially when she sees the very real benefit of being there for the kids.

Sarah Betts: That’s one of the toughest questions. I don’t really think you’ll find an easy answer and working through it with your wife is going to be the best way. Having been there, I struggled a lot with being a stay at home mum. One of the reasons being is that amongst all the playgroups and keeping busy for the kids etc, I lost my identity. For a career woman, it’s hard going from working somewhere where you’ve earnt the respect of your peers to ‘so and so’s mum’. And on top of that you’re being constantly told you’re ‘just a mum’ and it’s suddenly your job to be responsible for maintaining a house and keeping the kids entertained (all whilst trying to keep your sanity after hearing ‘mum’ on repeat for hours on end.). Being a housewife is not really respected these days in society (I’m not sure why, it’s damn hard work!) and your wife might not be comfortable with that and may relish the adult conversation being at work affords too!

Nate Sandels: Safe to assume you have collectively made the decision it’s best for HER to stay home and not you? You could also alternate. One of you takes off a couple years and then the other takes off a couple of years until both kids are old enough to be in school.

O.z. Kamara: Don’t Force her to be a stay at home wife if she doesn’t want to. That sucks. You should continue to search for affordable daycare options and try to think of a way to earn extra to cover that bill

Katie McHale Ruffolo: I was “forced” to stay because after already having 2 kids I had premature twins. Yes they were oops but stuff happens. No way could we afford daycare and wouldn’t put the twins in that situation because of them being premature. I stayed home 8 years and became very depressed and gained a lot of weight. My kids are my everything but I lost my identity. I also had a hard time with not bringing money in the house because I was raised to earn money for things I want. I have finally gone back to work with my husband working days and I work night shift. It’s how we got around paying daycare. I have lost weight and feel like a have a life again. If we had figured out this option years ago I would of done it.

Jessica Lane: I love that you are asking this question! Your support is going to mean the world to her! Suggest she join Mommy groups, play groups, etc. Research things in the area she can take the kids to… Music classes, library events, etc. Listen to her, support her & validate her roller coaster of emotions. And most of all – make time for & allow time for mommy breaks! Even if it’s just a pedicure or a grocery store trip alone!

Brian Plymale: If she is career driven, you need to find a way to support her working too. My wife was a stay at home mom, and while it was great she did have issues with not having an outside the home and kids life of her own.

JeMarcus Rob: Honestly if you both work and can set aside money I’d say cut as much as you can from everything you can and do daycare my wife and I pay 220 a week for our 2 daughters we both work full time 40 hours a week for her and sometimes 70+ a week for me it sucks but it’s better than having her resent you for it. Because it will come back to you. Are the grandparents available? And if so are they capable of watching them while y’all work? Also what are your schedules if they aren’t fixed could y’all possibly work around each other like you’re at work while she’s off and she’s at work while you’re off?

Grace Handlen: Is there something she can do part-time from home? I was a stay at home mom and wouldn’t do things any differently, but there is a lot to be said for the feeling you get from a paycheck (and it’s not the money) and the way people treat you when you work.

Greg Perryman: You also need to think about the kids. Wouldn’t be a bad idea to send the kiddos to a daycare. Their learn valuable social skills interacting with other kids. Also being around each other 24/7 will put a strain on the marriage and kiddos. Trust me I know, my wife’s a teacher and she was a stay at home mom for a few years. Toughest job anyone can do. Best thing we did was send the kids to a sitter.

Flickr photo by Nicu Buculei, used under Creative Commons license.