Sometimes I think to myself “ Well, at least I’m not a panhandler”. I see these guys and gals all the time at freeway exits and busy intersections. Generally it’s the same guy with the same story sitting in the same spot day in and day out. When I see them I try to give something, but more often than not, I have larger bills than I’m willing to give or I have nothing at all. In those times I’d do anything to avoid eye contact. Play with the radio, suddenly become aware of something on the seat next to me, pretend to be asleep…..
I really admire their commitment to locale (one guy has been on a corner looking for money for bus fare back to Nevada for 3 years now!!) and thinking outside of the box of societal norms. Things like general hygiene and using your inside voice (even when alone) aren’t things they want to conform to. However I’m glad I’m not among them….. right??
My initial relief that I am not in that situation is usually immediately followed up by the thought “But, if I tried it for a few days I’d probably be the best pan handler in the bunch!”. I could go to Kinkos and make some clever signs using my creativity and penchant for coercion to really rake in the dough. I’d dress professionally and hold something saying “Please help, can no longer afford HBO”. I know some people out there would really feel for me. I mean, unemployed but not able to spend my free time watching Boardwalk Empire and Curb Your Enthusiasm?!? What kind of cruel fate is this??? Despite the fact that my large network of friends and business associates have been unable to secure me an interview in this economy, I think I’d be able to score a credit card swiper from one of them for my corner. Sorry folks, I don’t take Discover.
The only real problem I think I’ll face is a touch of contempt from my peers. I’m sure I’ll be on the fast track for upper management in no time and will likely skip over some of the older folks who have been working in the grubbing game for years. I’ll be given the most lucrative corners and highway exits, score a key to the executive Chevron bathroom and maybe even be awarded a coveted umbrella for shade. This isn’t going to sit well with them. We might have to unionize in order to keep things fair. But now I’m getting ahead of myself.
I guess for now I’ll just keep my search going. I’m sure I’ll find something sometime soon. If not, I’ll see you on the streets. And don’t worry, I’ll be able to break a $20 and I’ll make sure you make eye contact with me!