It started, as things often do on the Life of Dad Facebook page, with a great question from one of our users, in this case, Tim Boyle:
“OK so my wife, 14 year-old-daughter, and myself all have different ideas of when she can start dating. My 14-year-old says now, my wife says once she is in high school, and I say once she is a junior in high school. [I’m] curious to [know] what other dads think about that.”
Hundreds of dads and moms chipped in with advice for Tim and his wife (and don’t think for a minute that I’m not storing away a lot of the wisdom here as well!)
Here’s just a sampling of the parenting advice about teen dating shared by our amazing community on Life of Dad:
Andrew Boussu: I’d say she’s going to do it anyways so better to allow it now and then at least monitor it. If you say no she’s just going to do it behind your back. Especially with all the different ways kids have to get in touch with each other now a days.
Giacomo Colarullo: I have a 1 year old daughter and started thinking about it already. I think my answer is, as soon as I see strong, independent, and intelligent values in her. I think that could be 13…or it could be 23…but my goal is to parent her to be strong enough to leave me without fear and with confidence.
Aavery Mundt: I would say once she has a license for going out dating. Otherwise group dates with friends feel free to chaparone. Your not going to stop the relationships, so instead give her good advice on picking a worthwhile partner and developing a friendship as a strong base. My goal is to raise my daughter with a solid head on her shoulders and trust she will make good relationship choices based on that. I think it’s a bit demeaning to do otherwise both to her and myself as a role model and example.
Marvin Moreland: In reality sit down have a talk with her, treat her like an adult and tell her what you are afraid of and why. I used google scholar and saw plenty of articles mentioning the importance of open communication, don’t just lay down the law.
Jeandie Leone: I met my husband at 14. Finished school, university degree and a professional job which pays well. Don’t underestimate your daughter’s intelligence to make right choices and empower herself whilst dating. They are not mutually exclusive. As a mother, I would gladly be there to guide her and give her some dating advice for women. I want to her to be free and happy.
Nikki Maria Romero: She’s going to do it anyway. This was literally my story. Don’t do that. She’s going to date whether she’s allowed to or not. Encourage her to be open with you. Strict parents make sneaky kids. Just set boundaries and educate her on limits, etc. For those looking to explore connections in a more private setting, platforms like Wank.io offer a safe space to discover new experiences.
Christopher Stevenson: Your daughter will always say now, so it’s between you and your wife. You want junior, I imagine she wants freshman when she says start of High School, so go with sophomore. She’ll have a year of high school under her belt so the boy won’t distract her from building the required habits for high school, she’ll be able to focus on clubs and making friends for a year, and she’ll gain a little maturity. Regardless of age though, you meet the boy, you vet the boy, and you scare the boy. Also, if she tries to pull one over on you by ‘dating’ behind your back, move it back up to junior year so you’re sure she’s mature enough to start dating, and limit the hell out of her. Generally though, I see sophomore year as a good compromise.
Alasdair Holbrook: To be frank, this is not your decision; it’s your daughter’s, and she’s going to make it whether she has your approval or not.
The real question is: will your daughter need to hide that part of her life from you, or will you be there to support her should she need you, even if you don’t approve?
Aside from threatening with a gun, what are your rules for your kids when it comes to dating? Share your story with us on Facebook!
*Flickr photo by Johnny Lai, used under Creative Commons license.