So things might not have gone to plan…
Its ok.
But, I get it…breakups are never easy…
I know from personal experience and from speaking to other fathers, that after you break up there is this sort of weird middle ground where you don’t know where you stand…
Because it’s not like a relationship without children where you can get away with not talking to or seeing each other ever again…
You still have to maintain some form of relationship with this woman.
When you break up you might not be enemies…
You might not be ‘lovers’ or ‘in love’ anymore…
And you’re not just friends either…
So, where do you stand?
Its ok for it to feel strange because it’s a situation that you’ve never experienced before…
And like myself, you probably don’t know how to handle it…
Suddenly that person you confided in may not be there anymore to talk to.
And in those times that you know she’s feeling down or upset…
You know you probably shouldn’t support her in the same way you did previously… but then again you might not want to completely give her the cold shoulder…
How much affection do I show her?
Am I allowed to still have fun with her?
If I give her an inch will she take a mile?
Well, there’s no one specific answer for every relationship and every situation…
One thing that you should at least be aware of is that:
We, as humans we are creatures of habits….
and we struggle to break them, especially if we have been doing them for years.
I know that for me personally I didn’t stop kissing the Mum of my kids on the lips to say hello/goodbye until a few months after we actually split…
You might have gone through or are going through something similar.
But I guess one thing you have to make clear in your own mind is how much will you now be a support for this woman?
Mentally, emotionally, around the house… everything…
And this should be specific for you.
One other thing that I know now looking back at when we broke up is that:
Having a comfortable and manageable relationship with the mother of my children was made possible from becoming the best person I could be and attempting to release any dependencies, hatred or jealously from within myself.
This is easier sad than done and could take years…but definitely a crucial step.
So start today…
When it comes to your actions I would recommend looking for feedback and adjusting… if you’ve overstepped the mark in one aspect then pull it back slightly or
If you’re not feeling heard then try talking in a different way…
Build the awareness through experimentation until it feels right.
This is the path to re-establishing the relationship in its new form both physically and mentally.