Hello to one and all, my name is Christopher McPhail, you can call me Chris. I figured the best way to get into the pool was to jump in feet first, if I test the waters first I might find it too cold and decide against revealing my thoughts to an even larger audience. You see, I started my very own Blog not even a month ago for a number of reasons; the most important one being my need to share my life’s experiences. I believe that I have a unique take on parenting and “Family” and admittedly, it is highly prejudiced and idealistic but once you start looking into my Thoughts you will understand why.
So what makes my story so unique that it warrants reading daily? Well, to begin with I am a Father of three amazing son’s. I was blessed with my oldest Colin in 1996, the middle Dylan in 1998 and the youngest of the Clan, Nikolas in 2002. I think as far as the ages my stories will be a bit ahead of most of the Dad Bloggers I have come across as the demographic seems to lean to children generally 10 and under. While I have numerous stories of their early years that will assist and entertain chances are most of them will be reflective stories…the meat of my knowledge with children will be Middle School years and up…that’s about the time they go from cute and cuddly to hormonal and prickly. I swear, people are not kidding when they say “I wish I could keep them young forever”… but, they do provide far more joy then angst at this point and I know it is a phase.
So far not very interesting per say, nor unique. You would thin this would get easier to say the more times you say it, however that is still not the case. I have found it is best to get it out there from the get go. What makes my situation and life unique is I was abused by my Father over a period of close to 11 years; to my knowledge at least 5 of that were sexually. When I was 17 I finally garnered the courage to end my silence and confront my Father in what turned into a life and death battle with him nearly taking his last breath at my hands; unfortunately or probably more fortunate then I realize it ended with my having a broken wrist. It was at this epic Battle Royal in an adrenaline fueled rage that I told my mother he was molesting me and had been for years. Her response was to call me a liar and immediately take his side. As such I have been on my own trusting very few people in my life, that trust issue was only made more debilitating when I found out three days after my Father died of Leukemia that he was not my real father at all, and that my Real Father in fact wanted nothing to do with me and had disowned me since birth…even going so far as to supposedly having Blood Tests switched to disprove Paternity…I guess in 1970 this was relatively easy to accomplish, and knowing the town where it occurred I can agree. Given that little Pearl of knowledge I soon discovered my entire life while apparently not screwed up enough was now even more confusing; my two Brothers were in fact my Half-brothers and given the name of whom my real Father is supposed to be I might in fact have at least one Half-sister… Interested in hearing even more?
Because of all this essentially crashing down on me at once the nails edge grasp I had on my sanity began to falter. The coming months after the bastard was dead I began to see changes in my behavior, as did my wife and kids. I was putting up walls on top of walls to protect myself and my emotions and it was coming to a boiling point. Finally, when I thought I might just be ready to check into a padded room and get custom fitted for an “I Love Me” jacket I made one last ditch effort to regain control of my life and I did a Google search for “Depression and Sexual Abuse Therapist” and found my Guardian Angel. She was able to help me start peeling back the layers of fog to find some clarity… she also informed me I suffered from severe and prolonged Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, from the many years of abuse. I had lived with it for so long, it had shaped my beliefs and shaped my character for so long that the best I could hope for was learning how to live with it. I go into much more detail in my own Blog and you can read the Post here:
Its been a few years since I started “dealing” with my skeletons and one thing I have always enjoyed and needed to do was write. I have been told by so many people that I have to share not only my story, but that I just need to write. It’s hard for Trauma victims to take any form of praise…so for the longest time I just wrote in journals, for myself. I have tried just about everything as a career and have probably had more jobs in a vast spectrum of industries that the average guy would shake their head in disbelief. I have worked in a Slaughterhouse and I have maintained the Chemistry on numerous Nuclear Reactors, I have built houses and maintained automated robotics and lithography equipment used in the manufacturing of semiconductors…I have about done it all, and excelled while doing it. The problem comes when I get the itch…the itch of a challenge. When a job becomes too easy and the challenge is gone I get fidgety…which is probably why I have had so many jobs. I do however always come back to writing…
So the Blog was born, where I hope to share my story in depth because I believe it needs to be told for those out there who suffer in silence. I know sadly that not all people faced with the challenges I have faced make it out relatively intact…some lose their fight with the Demons and go down far different and darker roads…some just can’t take it at all and go to the extremes for peace. I am hoping to give these people a voice, and a candle in the night to know they are not alone. I also want to share the stories of my family, as my boys have given me a chance to be the Father I had always hoped would have me, and while I have stumbled along the way, I have an amazing relationship with my children and think my wife and I have done a damn good job so far, though the challenges of Teendom are not ones were looking forward too. A lot of this Blog and my other will definitely be reflective in how I approach situations based on my past… I really am going in blind to being a father which is where the idealistic vision of family often gets in the way.
If this sounds just crazy enough to work then check back often; I have nothing but time on my hands and stories to be told. It is my intention to Post every day, which will now be two posts daily, one here and one on my website, each different, each entertaining and good for water cooler chat if nothing else. I welcome questions, critiques and hope you enjoy my writing… I am also a photographer so if you like pictures I can satisfy that itch too…thanks for joining me, see you tomorrow.
Chris
My Blog: http://thoughts.hundredacrephotography.com/
My Website: http://www.hundredacrephotography.com/