10 Reasons I’ll Never Take My Little Miracle Baby Out to Dinner Again

For the most part, life in Sydney is very easy.  The sun shines a lot, the coffee’s good and people don’t move that fast.

But because my lady friend and I live so far away from our families, we don’t have a lot of babysitting options when we go out to dinner.  And if  we don’t want to spend an extra $3,000 on a babysitter, that means we have to take the boy out with us.

So the other night, we went to our favourite Japanese restaurant in the neighbourhood.  And here’s 10 reasons I’ll never take him to dinner again…

1.  Not only did he refuse to eat chicken, which he always eats, he also screamed his head off when it was offered, like he was being dragged to prison.

2.  He wouldn’t sit still for more than 15 minutes at a time.  And when we let him move around, he’d walk up to other diners and stare at them until they felt deeply uncomfortable.

3.  He drank two sips of water, then spilled the rest all over the table.

4.  When the waiter came around, he called him “Garcon” and thought he was being charming.

5.  He kept saying that every dish we ordered looked like something we’d find in his diaper, then he’d throw his hand up for a high-five.

6.  He smacked a waitress on the bottom and said, “Firm cheeks.  You’re gettin’ a tip.”

7.  He threw his bowl of cut up chicken on the ground and screamed, “Now it’s flooriyaki chicken!”

8.  He stuffed five dumplings in his mouth, said “Luke, I am your father” and insisted it was a “kickass” Godfather impression.

9.  During a tantrum, he threw a fork at an old woman and said, “What are you looking at, funbags?”

10.  He said that if he wanted to, he could “bag the waitress.”  And when she came around to ask us if we wanted anything else, he said, “For dessert, I’ll have you – with a side of smooching.  No nuts.”