72 hours. 72 HOURS. Like a James Franco movie in real life that’s how long my son held is poo and pee. No one told me it was going to be like this…
This is the image I had in my mind. Everyone happy, easy peasy lemon squeezey. Done. No problem. See how happy that kid is? But there was one small problem… the will of a 4 year old.
Like most parents, we started trying to potty train at around 2 1/2 and my son didn’t take to it so no worries, we’ll try again at 3. We tried again at 3 and my son didn’t take to it so no worries, we’ll try again at 3 1/2. (You see where this is going). Now at 4 and change, it’s time. We prepared him, “you are ready and you got this.” We set the stage, “when we get back from our trip to granddad’s house for Christmas, no more diapers.” We had our plan, “you seem to pee in the morning and when you get back from school, so we’re just gonna hop on the potty at those times.”
He had other ideas.
72 hours. I get why James Franco cut his arm off… enough time will break anyone. So we’re back in diapers.
At the peak of it though I realized something about my father. I felt so out of control of the situation at hand that I really wanted to just force my will upon it. I thought about how my father, a loving man, would probably have handled it that way through the use of power or anger or demands. I saw how easily that was what I wanted to do with my son. I felt the true sadness and fear of feeling so out of control and not knowing what to do. I connected to this part of my father’s experience and found compassion for what a child mirrored to him and why he chose control.
I’ve chosen a different path but I understand more my father’s path. Next up, anxiety training with an end goal of using the potty.
Josh Stern is a therapist in the bay area practicing in San Francisco and El Cerrito. You can learn more about him and his services at his website.