I had the privilege of witnessing my second daughter’s first breath, as she was pulled out of my wife’s belly during a planned C-section. I even snuck my phone over the draping to catch video. (You can watch the lead up and live birth below. *Disclaimer: The birth footage is graphic) Personally, I love watching surgeries, getting a glimpse into the mastery of physiological evolution. The chance to watch the miracle of life entering this world is something I’ll cherish for my lifetime.
But it is not the awe of being immersed in such a powerful moment that I care to share with you. Sixteen hours later, I found myself pacing back and forth in a dark hospital room, holding and calming my new baby girl. My wife was asleep. This was my first chance to spend some alone time with my baby and there were some things I needed to tell her – the same as I told my oldest daughter the first time we were alone.
“I love you and accept you unconditionally, now and forever. I support your true nature, whatever it may be. I will help you find an outlet for your genuine expression, however that looks. I will cheer for you when you attempt to soar. I will be here to hold space for you when you are overwhelmed. I cannot guarantee you will not be hurt in life, but I promise I will stay with you, holding you, until your pain has gone. And I will help you learn from your experiences so that you may one day be a strong and confident person, ready to soar on your own. I will show you how to love yourself, regardless of what others think, or how they act, so that one day you will be able to love freely without need or worry. All I want for you is to be yourself, for you are perfect just the way you are: Let your nature shine and I’ll help you figure out the best outlets for all the gifts you have in store for this world. You never need to change for anything or anyone, but you are always free to create and mold from your innate palette. I am here to support you every step of the way and my support is, and always will be, unwavering. I love you forever.”
These words came forth from me as effortlessly as warmth from the sun. And as I continued pacing back and forth, pacifying this new life, I realized those words are almost the same words I have been saying to myself for years now. Anyone who has come to me for treatments knows how big I am on developing an impenetrable bond with the child residing in our heart. But when most of us have an inner dialogue, it is simply a back-and-forth within our mind. There is a big difference between talking to our mind vs. our heart. We know we are talking to our mind when we end up trying to convince ourselves of something. I know I am not the only one whose mind is quick to tell me, “Nice try; this new way of thinking is for la la land. You’re setting yourself up to be blindsided.” Trying to convince our minds we are perfect the way we are is an exercise in futility. However, our hearts are not married to specific views. They just want to feel unconditionally loved, supported, and accepted. When they are, they tend to heal from their pains, revealing greater depth, and strength. That is why I have all my willing patients begin working on their relationship to their inner child – their heart. Just like any strong relationship, it takes time to build. But once our heart is full, our mind quiets down. It no longer leads us on endless quests to fill our long held voids. The child inside can be freed, energizing us once again.
I always thought Templeton (Charlotte’s Web) would have made better choices in life had he not been so fixated on finding food.
I love analogies. Here’s one: Let food represent love and support. Most of us go through life constantly hungry. As a result, our mind is constantly focused on finding a way to be fed. Our actions are dictated by our desire to find food. But imagine we wake up each day feeling completely satiated. Our mind would not be fixated on finding food. We would have the space to begin creating our life from an inner impulse other than, “Let’s get fed”. The impulse would stem from our innate expression. Most of us have no idea where that would even begin to lead us. In addition, we would no longer reach out for the nearest and most convenient food joint. We would be able to cherry pick the food we wanted, thus making better choices as to the source of our nourishment.
You can see through this analogy how important it is to take ownership of filling our emotional needs before we head out into life. This all starts with the relationship we forge with that little child in our heart.
In summary, this post is for the parents out there who instinctively know how to love and support their children unconditionally. If you know how to do that, then you know how to love your inner child – heart – yourself, the same way. We are overdue to treat ourselves with the same love and support we instinctively give our children. At one point in time, we were that miracle being born. And we deserved to be shown how to unconditionally love and accept ourselves. For those that were not lucky enough to get the message, it is time to realize that your heart never needed it from your mom or dad; it just needed to be shown how to do it by anyone so that when you grew up, you would know how to give it yourself. Well, it sucks to have to learn something as an adult that we could have learned as a child. But once we realize we missed an important lesson like how to have a great relationship with ourselves, it is time to stop leaning on others to fill the void. It is time to make the effort to go back and reclaim the Forgotten Child.
*Here is the video of the lead up and live C-section for my daughter’s birth. (not for the squeamish)
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