Movie characters are full of the traits we strive to embody as fathers. The courage of Atticus Finch, the optimism of Clark Griswold, the trucking-/arm-wrestling skills of Lincoln Hawk in Over the Top. But for every George Bailey, there’s a Guy Woodhouse in Rosemary’s Baby trading the devil his unborn child and giving us all a bad name. Here are a few other Bad Dads in Cinema:
“Darth Vader,” Empire Strikes Back (1980): Other than Maury, a lightsaber duel above a bottomless airshaft has to be the worst place to learn the truth about your dad. Then again, maybe Luke would have been more receptive to your offer to rule the galaxy Eddie & Wolfgang Van Halen-style if you hadn’t chopped off his damn hand, Darth. Robot Chicken explores the best-case scenario:
“Noah Cross,” Chinatown (1974): This character also qualifies for the Worst Grandpas in Cinema list. Hey-o! Zing! No, seriously, the emotional and physical trauma Cross inflicted on his daughter Evelyn is despicable. As the saying goes: don’t get high off your own supply. Watch as Cross tries to slither out of blame even with a pistol pointed at him. Unfortunately, Eveyln Bill Buckners the kill shot:
“Roy Turner,” The Bad News Bears (1979): This mustached a-hole gave new meaning to the phrase “charge the mound” when he walloped his son in front of a stadium of spectators. Roy’s disproportionately hot, young wife definitely didn’t let him tap it that night. Darth and Luke went tit for tat sorting out their father-son issues, but little Joey Turner’s payback probably stung his dad more than a severed hand:
“Mr. Salt,” Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971): It was a tight race for Worst Dad in this classic tale of jerks and chocolate. Mr. Beauregarde and his car salesman smarm took an early lead, but it was Mr. Salt’s blubbering, spineless inability to say no to budding daughter Veruca that ultimately earned him the title. If only celebrity tantrums came with such a catchy tune. Extra points if you know what a “bean-feast” is:
“Randall Peltzer,” Gremlins (1980): Classic absentee father move: buy your kid a big present to make up for never being home. This furry little gift will do more than pee on the carpet, though. Maybe if you played catch with your son once in awhile instead of hocking the Bathroom Buddy half the town wouldn’t be dead, Rand. Here Petlzer spins a growing animal control problem into his next get-rich-quick scheme:
“Ray Cash,” Walk the Line (2005): You sell a million records, become rich and famous, and snag Reese Witherspoon as your ladyfriend, yet your dad still thinks God killed the “wrong son” twenty years ago in a sawmill accident. Sheesh! There’s just no pleasing some people. There’s a scene where Johnny Cash tries to drive a tractor high on speed after Ray ruins Thanksgiving by being a dick about everything, but YouTube blocked it. Here’s some Dewey Cox instead:
“Jack Torrance,” The Shining (1980): Jack already had a lot on his mind: his novel, being consumed by evil, trying to decide if Shelley Duvall is hot. Now his son is seeing rivers of blood and talking to his finger? It’s enough to make any dad go crazy, although Jack might have overreacted a teensy weensy bit. Remove the context and emotion from this dialogue and it’s pretty ordinary parent talk… until the bat:
“George Lutz,” The Amityville Horror (1979): I understand buying a house even though the previous family was brutally murdered. You just carpet over the bloodstains and be glad you got in before the next bubble. But when your kid sees a demonic pig outside her window and the house itself tells you to leave, I don’t care what kind of short sale you got, screw the good school district and go. Eddie Murphy put it best: