My introduction to “Life of Dad.”
Have you ever had to clean up after anyone? Maybe your kids who didn’t quite take care of the toys or those dreaded LEGO pieces on the floor that you just happened to step on. Maybe it was at work where a co-worker didn’t follow through on a project or assignment and you had to clean up their mess so the project could get back on track.
I have had to do these things in my life like most men or dads… unfortunately—and fortunately—I have had to do some other clean up that has shaped the man and dad I am today. I have had to help “clean up” the mess of when the family breaks down or falls apart. You see for over 20+ years I have been working with at-risk kids and families in a variety of situations.
Right out of college I began working with adjudicated youth at a residential treatment facility serving youth and families in New York City. My wife and I later married and moved to Hershey, PA where we became house parents at a residential school. In our 9 years there we served over 72+ girls from the age of 3-18. I then worked for about 1 ½ years as an administrator at a therapeutic foster care agency. Through these opportunities I got to know and experience mess and the wake of hurt it left behind. In my many years working with these families I could probably count on my own 2 hands the number of dads involved in their lives. As I engaged these families earning their trust and respect, I quickly realized that in many ways I was acting as a father to the fatherless.
My journey has brought me to my current job working at Focus on the Family as their Director of Parenting and Youth for the past 5 years. One of the things we are championing is the important role of fathers in their families and in our culture. Almost 1 year ago we started a blog called, Dad Matters. It is written by a group of dads in our ministry who are living out their journey authentically and transparently. We have also created some key resources for men including Kingdom Man and 21 Day Dads Challenge.
These experiences shaped me in many different ways as both a man and a father. I am in the midst of raising 3 kids ages 15, 10 and 6 with my wife and best friend of the past 18 years. In a recent post I wrote for the blog Dad Matters I shared about my experiences: “As I worked alongside many of these situations, I quickly realized that each and every day I held the power for good or evil in my marriage and as a dad. My kids were only a decision away from possibly living a life of poverty and hardship at my hand. Those kids and families taught me so much about resiliency and perseverance that, despite the obstacles, we can overcome.” I have faced my own share of obstacles. One of those was my struggle with pornography which I wrote about in, “Hello, My Name is…” and a follow-up about talking with my teenage son about it in, “Hello, My Name is Dad.”
Our culture is dying from the lack of responsible men stepping up to be engaged fathers. My experiences of coming alongside families and kids going through the toughest battles our culture can hand to them was that there was a major piece missing—healthy men. Honestly, there was not enough time to actually “clean up” anything, but only to help create a path towards wholeness and health. Today, I am very encouraged by what I see especially with dad bloggers and younger dads. They want to be the best dad possible, to be there for their kids in ways no other generation has ever seen.
I hope that as a community of dads—regardless of our agreements or disagreements—that we would aspire to be all that we are capable of for our children and grandchildren so they have less mess than we do to “clean up” in the future.
Blessings
Roy