My children don’t remember when dad had to wear a suit and tie to go to work. My youngest has no recollection of a time where I didn’t work from a home office and my oldest barely remembers how every day he used to ask mom when dad would come home from work.
For the past six years I have worked out of a remote office. Call that a fancy of saying that I have been privileged to work out of the house. My normal work attire is a t-shirt and shorts, no shoes required.
Suits, ties and all other fancy attire hangs in the closet and is only brought out for special occasions.
The upside to working out of the house isn’t the short commute or not having to shave every day. It has been the time. I see the kids in the morning and help send them off to school. If they forget their lunch or something important I drive it over to them.
I have been one of the few fathers who shows up at all of the school activities during the day and at night. It made it easy to coach their teams and or watch games played during the business week.
It hasn’t been without challenges. My income hasn’t been what I want it to be. It fluctuates all over the place. There have been very good months and very bad months. I tend to work seven days a week. Sure, I don’t work eight hours straight each day, but I put in a ton of time.
I don’t say that to complain or whine about a hard life because I chose this. It was a question of values and I wanted to be as involved as I could in their lives. I wanted to spend quality time with them and to do things that my dad couldn’t do.
But I think these days are about to change. I think it is time to go back to an office. I don’t exactly want to. I like not having to fight rush hour both ways. I like sharing an office with the dog and knowing that I have a ton of flexibility and choice in how I spend my day.
That has been great but the financial grind is taking a toll. People don’t realize how much of our self worth is tied up into supporting our families. People don’t realize that we are socialized to provide for our families and when you feel like you are not getting it done the way that you want to it wears on you.
During the last six years we have taken three vacations and it has been a struggle to do that. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for what we have. I have managed to put them through years of private school. I am not crying poverty or saying that we haven’t had some very good things.
But I don’t think that I can find a way to keep them in school any longer. I am just about tapped out. I feel badly about that, but part of being a parent is making the hard choices.
If I go back to an office and a steadier income I think I can do other things for us. I think I can get back to working more normal hours.I might not be able to get to some of the school events like I have, but when I am home I won’t always be focused on work. I won’t be worrying about what is hanging over me and I can give them more time.
Our choices are almost always based on a question of values, aren’t they?