I recently came to the uncomfortable conclusion that I haven’t been my best for some time. I tend toward the ambitious and always have a bit of a “what’s next” mentality: how can I achieve more success at work, more financial security? How do I make a difference in the world, be a good person, be there for my kids, and have meaningful relationships?
Unfortunately, I feel like this drive for always wanting to take things to the next level caused me to lose my perspective. In fact, I think in my endeavors to be THE best, it took me away from being MY best. I forgot why I wanted to be the best in the first place: to have a good life, be happy, have kids that enjoyed life and were happy, to appreciate my wife and best friend and live a loving, fun life together.
I was always focused on what boxes on my “life list” were still unchecked: I wasn’t getting the recognition and compensation that I wanted at my job; we didn’t have the money to do EVERYTHING we wanted to or have all we were eyeing; I wasn’t having the social/far-reaching impacts on society that I thought I would be able to make; I didn’t have the work-life balance that I wanted; we didn’t have enough savings and haven’t accumulated any wealth yet; I wasn’t living up to my own standards or this ideal image of what I should be/have/do.
The fact is, it cause me to take my wife for granted, to not show my love an appreciation, to be frustrated and cranky around the kids, and it just started to sap the life from me completely so that I didn’t have the strength or energy to face each day. And, while I’m still of the mind that pushing for all of those things are worthy and laudable, it in no way should come at the expense of appreciating and enjoying what I already have. Let’s face it–I’ve still got it better than 99% of the world’s population: I have an awesome wife and two great kids who love me to death; we live in a safe neighborhood in a nice house that we’re proud of; my kids are both smart and well adjusted and fun to be around; I’ve got a wife and best friend, who has pretty much continually sacrificed, given, and supported me for over 16 years; I’ve got siblings who love me and are my biggest fans; a solid career full of achievements and job security.
But those yet-unachieved goals were preventing me from living in the here and now. What I realize now is that being MY best means giving the best of me to my wife, my kids, my family and friends, and my job. Giving it to them right now. Everyday. Not promise them some final destination at some undetermined date in the future when I’ll have achieved everything I want and will then be at my best. It means making my wife feel loved and appreciated. It means making the time to hang out with the kids–not just to check the box on the time spent with them, but to actually enjoy and embrace that time together. It’s a commitment I’m making, not to reach some point, but to constantly work on it, be conscious of it, and live it every day from here on out.
I can’t change how we’ve been in the past, but I can make sure that I’m giving MY best going forward. Being YOUR best doesn’t mean having everything and being THE best. It’s about love, appreciation, enjoyment, satisfaction, fun, and having a happy life right now. Starting today.