There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
Hell hath no fury like a kid when you tell them you’ve already seen something they WANTED TO SHOW YOU.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) January 9, 2019
I’m failing 5th grade math, again.
— m😬mma unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) January 7, 2019
Me: Who’s been using my expensive hair conditioner?!?
10yo: Not me.
8yo: Not me.
6yo: *frantically lowering Barbie’s hand*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 8, 2019
I just asked my toddler to do something for me and he actually did it.
I should buy a lottery ticket.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 11, 2019
I’ve never let my kids have the “good cereal.” I think tasting disappointment early sets them up for real life…
— JustTwinsane (@JustTwinsane) January 9, 2019
The best part about waking up to a house full of kids after a night of drinking is nothing.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) January 13, 2019
Most things I scold my preschooler for saying are also things I secretly want to fist bump her for saying.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 6, 2019
When I feel sad, I tell my kids we're getting a puppy. They get all excited. Then I say, "Just kidding." That usually makes me feel better.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) January 11, 2019
Him: I had a dream last night we had another baby
Me [nervously laughing]: we can barely handle the two we already have.
— m😬mma unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) January 11, 2019
Before kids: My head itches. No big deal
After kids: My head itches. OH MY GOD THE KIDS GAVE ME LICE
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 12, 2019
— Jeff W (@semperjeff) January 10, 2019
My 4yo has recently discovered the joy in telling jokes; his punchlines are usually just “Poop,” and then he laughs and says, “Write that one down for me.”
— Naomi (@MomesTheWord) January 10, 2019
My son came barreling down the steps behind his sister shouting "No! Don't tell mommy!!" and honestly I'm just hoping neither one of them actually tells me.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) January 8, 2019
“OMG I used to love this in my childhood!” – my 9yo, finding an old toy from when she was 4
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 13, 2019
Largest Eruptions in History:
3.) Mount Vesuvius
1.) My infant right after a bath.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) January 8, 2019
Me: [butchering a raw pork shoulder]
Child: Can I poke it?
Child: Can I poke it?
Me: Poke…poke the pork?
Child: It looks squishy.
Me: It IS squishy.
[5 mins later]
Wife: WHY ARE YOU TWO POKING THE PORK
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 9, 2019
Getting kids ready for school is one of the strongest cases anyone could make in favor of homeschooling.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) January 11, 2019
My mom to me, as a kid: “if you finish everything on your plate and then eat some fruit, you can maybe pick one small piece of candy for dessert”
My mom to my kids: “would you like chocolate muffins or chocolate croissants for dinner?”
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) January 7, 2019
It should be illegal for your kids to be taller than you
— Shenanigans (@Shenanigans_luv) January 13, 2019
Apparently my toddler doesn’t think he needs to ask if he can sit in my lap. But why should he? I’m only using the bathroom.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 10, 2019