There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
KID: I love nature. When I grow up I want to work at a wildlife conservat- AH! Black widow! Kill it, Daddy!
ME: It’s not a black widow. I don’t even think it’s a spid-
KID, roaring: KILL IT NOWWWW!!!
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) October 12, 2018
My kids know to wait until I’m sick to ask me to upgrade all their iPad games.
Why yes, I will pay $9.99 to unlock all the Strawberry Shortcake baking tools if it means a possible 10 minutes of silence.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) October 8, 2018
My 9yo refuses to eat pizza. My 5yo took a pizza restaurant menu that had pictures into the car with her as reading material. So the universe has a way of balancing things out.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 11, 2018
Me: Stop talking about Fortnite and eat your breakfast – we need to go to school
9yo: *turns to brother* So anyway, in Fortnite…
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 11, 2018
The worst part of parenting is making small talk with other parents.
— Rock the Kasbah (@MarieLoerzel) October 11, 2018
Other mom: Are your kids competitive?
Me: Well they just fought over whose pee comes out faster. So…
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) October 12, 2018
I always have one more coffee at 3pm so I can get through the rest of the day and make it home with enough energy left to yell at my kids to go to bed.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 9, 2018
God: You’re in charge of naming all the animals.
Dr. Seuss: That’s a Zizzer Zazzer Zuz. That’s a Phiffer Pheffer Phef. That’s-
God: Nope nope nope. Let’s bring you back later. Adam, you’re up.
— The Dadvocate (@thedadvocate01) October 10, 2018
7: You sent me in without crazy socks today.
Me: I sent you in with the backwards shirt.
7: But it was Wacky Hair Day!
Me: CAN’T YOU KIDS JUST GO TO SCHOOL— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) October 10, 2018
https://twitter.com/LoveNLunchmeat/status/1048700030599802881
can school plz stop with the “theme” days like frankly it’s a miracle if my kids have on clothes that cover their hygiene areas AND brushed teeth, like our daily theme is “struggle”
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) October 12, 2018
Didn’t bring a powerful enough DSLR camera to the pumpkin patch and now all the other parents are looking at me like I’m an unfit father.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 13, 2018
“Hey! Look at all the new Fortnite gear Amazon has!”
Me, testing to see if my son can move faster than zero mph in the morning like he usually does.— Conversations With My Children (@Convokid22) October 11, 2018
I always check my kids candy for razor blades on Halloween, but mainly because they are just so expensive to buy myself.
— The Baron (@baronvonbike) October 14, 2018
I asked 8 what his favorite class was and he said “lunch” so I guess maybe I can use his college fund towards finishing the basement for him someday soon.
— ✨WendyDarling✨ (@wendchymes) October 9, 2018
Studies show that US students' math test scores keep falling. Or rising. I don't know, I can't really read the data. This graph is pretty complicated.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 6, 2018
Parenthood really changes your perspective.
Since having kids, my life mantra has become “Everything’s okay, pee is sterile.”— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 12, 2018
Sent my kid to go get a towel after she spilled soup everywhere. She brought me a single square of toilet paper.
— Katie (@good_one_rick) October 13, 2018
My daughter is screaming that there’s an ugly witch hiding in her closet, but I’ve been in here the entire time and haven’t seen anything.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 11, 2018
My parenting style can best be described as "Old MacDonald Had A House That Looked Like A Farm Because….Kids."
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 12, 2018