There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
I wish instead of complaining about needing groceries my kids would just be quiet and eat their angel hair pasta with bbq sauce.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 8, 2018
3yo: Eenie meenie miney mo. Catch a lion. Wait. No. Eenie meenie meenie. Wait. Eenie meenie miney mo. Miney…wait. Een-
Me: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST PICK A CUP
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 7, 2018
https://twitter.com/TheSuperParents/status/1061672462461485056
I can’t stop watching this. Dad of the year ???⚽️pic.twitter.com/iLvhDoiFyb
— Tom Munns (@TomMunns1) November 8, 2018
Me: I have 3 small kids, so preparing a healthy breakfast can be a challenge some mornings.
Friend: You should meal prep at night to make things easier.
Me: I guess I should have mentioned that the kids live here at night, too.
— The Mom at Law (@TheMomAtLaw) November 7, 2018
Hey baby, wanna get married and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a house, then make babies who will slowly destroy it?
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 9, 2018
Daughter: can you make me a sandwich?
Me: poof you’re a sandwich lol.
Daughter:
Me:
Daughter: MOM HE’S DOING THAT THING AGAIN.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) November 7, 2018
[Me, scraping ice from my car windows]
12: Hey, Mom! Do I need a coat today?
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) November 8, 2018
8yo: Mom, will you put ketchup on my hotdog?
Me: You’re old enough to do it yourself.
8yo: pic.twitter.com/WfXA9pepJX
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 5, 2018
I wish parents had battery indicators so arguments about who is more tired were as easy to decide as who gets the cable based on %.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) November 6, 2018
2am. Wake up to 3 standing next to my bed.
Me: oh my God what are you doing?
3: You said last night I could have chocolate.
Me: Ok…
3: But you didn't give me my chocolate.
Me: Ok…
3: So now I want my chocolate.
Me: Any chance we'll sleep tonight without the chocolate?
3: No— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 10, 2018
Me: When you make dinner, you can make whatever you like
9yo: Good because I don’t like anything you make
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 8, 2018
Pro Tip:
If your infant is constipated, give them a bath. A clean baby will always shit itself.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) November 8, 2018
I was playing outside with my kids and I tried to jump over something because I forgot I’m 40 anyways who wants to sign my cast?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 11, 2018
The advantage of being an adult is that I can totally do whatever I want. Unless it interferes with my kids’ school or swim practice or homework or when they fight or when they’re hungry or tired.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) November 8, 2018
I’ve decided to stop yelling at my kids, leaving me with just one question:
How do I get them to do anything?
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) November 8, 2018
14: There is no food in the house.
Me: You mean there is no sugary snacks. Just have a carrot.
14: But what can I eat that will fill me up?
Me: Two carrots.
— Sandra (@Sanbel11) November 7, 2018
I hate when people say “I’d give up my first born child for that.”
If you really want to entice me, offer to raise one of mine.
— The Baron (@baronvonbike) November 9, 2018
I asked my 5 yr old if she wanted to help me make a cake and she said that she doesn't make cakes. She eats them.
Her face will be on currency one day.
— Patsy Simon (@Simeogirl) November 11, 2018