There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
A river runs through it but it’s just my bathroom because kids can’t shut a shower curtain because I live with animals apparently.
— Mom Life: Perfection Pending the Book (@PerfectPending) November 14, 2018
What you say: Please stop making that noise.
What the kids hear: Make a different noise that's more annoying.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) November 15, 2018
My son has a play date today unless I don’t get out of bed when the doorbell rings. STAY TUNED!
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 18, 2018
*my daughter sees multiple baskets of laundry by the washer, sighs and sets her basket down in front*
Me: All laundry will be washed in the order it is received. Thank you for holding.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) November 15, 2018
Nothing like finding a half eaten bag of Sour Patch Kids in your bed to ensure you'll have the most comfortable night's sleep ever!
— Chris Read (@CanadianDadBlog) November 17, 2018
my toddler is intentionally throwing food on the floor and then yelling “UH OH” which is maddening as hell and also uncomfortably reminiscent of my own process in life choices
— ⚪️Ash (an female)⚪️ (@adult_mom) November 14, 2018
Before I had kids I thought a parent’s role was centered around building confidence, love and creativity. Now that I have kids I see the role is to wear the kid out to make it to nap time then wear the kid out again to make it to bed time. Then repeat that. Everyday.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) November 13, 2018
‘Tis the season to be snotty pic.twitter.com/ZWyYiZ0d3S
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) November 17, 2018
Me: Oh my God! Where did you get that big bruise from?
9yo: *shrugs* I don't know
Me: How can you not know?!
Wife: Oh my God! Where did you get that big bruise from?
Me: *shrugs* I don't know
Wife: How can you not know?!
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 15, 2018
It’s like a Murder Mystery Dinner, except it’s my kids giving their individual accounts of how, why and when the toilet became permanently clogged.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 15, 2018
[Making macaroni and cheese]
5yo: I wanna put the cheese in!
Me, handing her open packet of powder: Okay, can you VERY carefully pour this in?
5yo: *Just fucking waves the packet around like she’s throwing rice at a wedding*
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 13, 2018
Parenting tip: Buy your toddler a pop up book for them to enjoy once and then destroy.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 12, 2018
CONFUSED SHOPPER DAD: should i buy the odorless candle or the apple-cinnamon candle?
OTHER SHOPPER DAD: apple-cinnamon. it makes more scents!
*tremendous high five attempt, but they whiff*
— TuSoon Shakur (@TuSoonShakur) November 12, 2018
6yo: mummy I’ve made up a story
Me: what’s it about sweetie?
6yo: a lady was loved by two men…
Me: ooh sounds romantic
6yo: but she didn’t know which one to marry so she ran away and fell into a volcano and died
6yo: the end
— MumInBits (@BitsMum) November 13, 2018
9: I have a math test today.
Me: Are you ready for it?
9: More like is it ready for me?
Me: Awesome! I bet you’ll get an A.
9: Probably not. I haven’t studied at all.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 15, 2018
A kid's favorite game is any one where they make up rules that constantly change to their advantage, and they never lose.
— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) November 14, 2018
My daughter called me from college with the “ask a mom” question of how long should She microwave a 25 lb turkey for?
So I told her 6 hours on 50% and then throw it in the trash.
— Nonchalant Charlotte (@jellybnbonanza) November 16, 2018