There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
Them: Try cutting celery into fun shapes for after-school snacks.
Me: *scattering Cheetos on the counter like chicken feed* Interesting.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) November 29, 2018
We don't have an elf on the shelf. I have Santa's phone number and I'm not afraid to use it.
— Meg The Frozen ❄️ (@meghaffer) December 1, 2018
*sprays kid with febreze*
Ok off to school.
— Phil (@geowizzacist) December 2, 2018
5yo: Mommy, who was the first person in the world? How did the world come together?
Me: Well, no one really knows for sure because no one was there, but people have theories about—
5yo: Can I have a snack?— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 2, 2018
Pro: My tween daughter remembers everything.
Con: My tween daughter remembers everything.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 28, 2018
mugger: *points gun* your money or your life
me: sure thing *hands him my id* you got 2 kids and didn’t actually understand the matrix
mugger: no i mean-
me: *already running away* your late for steph’s recital
— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) November 28, 2018
ME: I made up a tongue twister. How many nunchucks could Chuck Norris chuck if Chuck Norris chucked nunchucks?
KID: Mom, something's wrong with Dad.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) November 30, 2018
My mom bought my 4yo a microphone for Christmas.
The only photos on display at mom's funeral will be ones taken mid-yawn or blink.— JenniFerCryinOutLoud (@MiddlingMs) November 28, 2018
Daughter: I need something to eat. I'm hungry!
Me: Yeah, that would've been dinner. You passed. Don't worry, you'll eat again in the morning.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) November 28, 2018
At some point in your life people stopped getting excited when you finished all the food on your plate.
— The Baron (@baronvonbike) November 29, 2018
Welcome to parenthood, you need to flush the toilet before you use it too.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) November 29, 2018
I can’t even think about throwing away an empty milk jug or paper towel roll without facing the wrath of my children.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 27, 2018
I’m supposed to take my 8yo to a special movie tonight but it’s not even 3pm and I’ve already made ten threats to go without him.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 1, 2018
My son is arguing with Alexa because she’s not listening to him and now he understands what it’s like to be a parent.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 29, 2018
There's no reason we both should be miserable tomorrow…
Is apparently NOT something to say to a wife dealing with a teething infant at 2:30 am.
Just so we're clear.
— Micah (@ParentalGrit) November 28, 2018
The magic of Christmas really shifts when your kids go from writing letters to Santa to giving you a list with a “Mandatory” and “Optional” column.
— not the WORST mom ??♀️ (@nottheworstmom) December 1, 2018
Me: Let's go to the bathroom before the movie starts
9yo: I don't have to go.
I don't have to go.
I don't have to go.
I don't have to go.
I don't have to go.Me: Fine
*movie starts*
9yo: Dad, I have to go to the bathroom
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 2, 2018
Being a stay-at-home parent means half the time you love it and the other half you wish you could unsubscribe from kids like an email.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 29, 2018
My daughter just got summonsed for jury duty so if you're in court and see a juror complaining about the wifi and rolling her eyes every 30 seconds that's her.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) November 29, 2018
Me to 2yo: “do you want purple or grey sneakers?”
2: “those shoes!”
Me: “those are sandals for summer… so purple or grey sneakers?”
2: “summer shoooes”
Me: “you’ll be cold! Let’s do the purple”
2: *melts down on floor*
Offering two choices will prevent tantrums, they said
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) November 29, 2018
My dad will drive six hours to avoid a three dollar ATM fee
— Stellar AF (@Sparticus_af) December 2, 2018