There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
You: My kid loves piano
My kid: *licking the piano keys*
— Son of Dad (@ThugRaccoons) December 4, 2018
mom: call your grandmother, she sent you a birthday card with $10
me: hey grandma
grandma: hello dear
me: i need more money, this isn't 1842
— hype (@TheHyyyype) December 4, 2018
Nothing says Christmas spirit quite like my kids coming to blows over whose turn it is to put the star on top of the tree… #MerryChristmas
— Chris Read (@CanadianDadBlog) December 10, 2018
Cell phone battery: Starts dying one year into life of the phone
Knockoff batteries that came with some annoying kid's toy: Lasts for decades
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) December 4, 2018
Me: One more word out of you and you’re in big trouble.
5yo: [Burps] Does that count?
— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 7, 2018
Post ONE picture of your child in a car seat and suddenly everyone is like, “The chest clip needs to be 1 inch higher,” and “The car seat shouldn’t be on the roof of the car.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 6, 2018
KID, from his bedroom: Daaadddd! C’mere I need your help!
ME: Do you need my help or someone to shoot your nerf gun at?
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) December 9, 2018
When you’re hanging out with the guys, do not brag about your new washing machine. I know this now.
But seriously, it’s awesome! It has a 30 min cycle and even a self cleaning mode! You guys should totally come check it out. Or whatever. I don’t care. Football
— John sleeps on the couch (@atomicmojo) December 6, 2018
Have children so that one day they will sit on your lap, stroke your face, and tell you that your chin feels like a stale muffin.
— 🔳your mom🔳 (@eff_yeah_steph) December 6, 2018
My kids will fight over a broken plastic fork that fell out of the trash. Anyways, it's cool you're having twins.
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) December 5, 2018
I see the recycle bin.
My kid sees a treasure trove of craft supplies.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 6, 2018
My dad to me: When I was a kid, people would suffer paralysis and death from Polio.
Me to my son: When I was a kid, hand dryers barely did anything.
— The Baron (@baronvonbike) December 5, 2018
SANTA: what would you like for Christmas?
*child hands Santa a note*
"Please look after Melissa. I need a couple of hours to shop and maybe get a coffee. Also, she’s lactose intolerant."
SANTA, to elf: put her with the others
— Bison (@McGrumpenstein) December 8, 2018
My son has been sick for the last few days, so he hasn’t had much of an appetite, but a giant batch of McNuggets tonight cracked the code 👍👍
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 5, 2018
My husband was looking at his fantasy football scoreboard and my 9yo came up and started reading the team names and said “What’s Finger Bangers?” and I think we all aged a little in that moment.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 6, 2018
The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) December 6, 2018
Parenting has mostly taught me how much I hate stickers.
— kaitlin olson (@KaitlinOlson) December 4, 2018