There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
Daughter: I don’t WANT to go to bed.
Me: Sorry, you have to go to bed whether you want to or not.
Daughter: *loudly farts*
Daughter: Well, great, now you made my butt cry.
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) December 11, 2018
One of those conversation starter card sets, but just filled with questions my 5yo asks like, “Can you yawn on the toilet while pooping?”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 14, 2018
You know that extremely amazing feeling when you crawl into bed after a long day and find that exact right spot? And then you remember that the Elf on the Shelf is actually not real and someone has to physically move it!!
— Chris Read (@CanadianDadBlog) December 12, 2018
Me: You know you can ask me anything, sweetie- it's what I'm here for.
9: Why are arms the only body parts that got a pit?
Me: …. Just go to sleep.
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) December 12, 2018
The parent remix of All I Want for Christmas Is You pic.twitter.com/IaCWXWF2pt
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) December 15, 2018
<cops knocking at my door>
Officer: We received reports of screaming at this residence. Is everything alright, ma’am?
Me: Everything is fine, officers. I’m just trying to put eye drops in my 5yo’s eyes.
— Artemis🏹🌙 (@Artemis_Ascends) December 12, 2018
The kids just locked me out of the house. I’m not even mad.
Best 15 minutes of the day.
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) December 13, 2018
my mom never took pictures of me with a letter board growing up and now i don’t know how old i am
— poetic kate (@poetickate) December 11, 2018
Watching my two girls play together *LET GO OF HER NECK* is one of the most special *QUIT DRAGGING HER BY HER FOOTIE PAJAMAS* experiences of being a *DO NOT BITE HER CHIN* parent.
It's extremely touching to watch their sibling *LET GO OF HER HAIR* bond grow.
— Micah (@ParentalGrit) December 10, 2018
8yo: How come you only cook food that I hate?
Me: Well, for starters, I keep a secret recipe book called “Meals Kids Hate”
8 [eyes widening] *whispers* I knew it!
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 13, 2018
If you ever wanted to know the worst things about yourself spend 30 minutes with a second grader.
— Whatever_Amy (@Whatevah_Amy) December 15, 2018
One tricky thing about kids crying is trying to determine if they broke a crayon or got their arm stuck in a piece of farming equipment.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 11, 2018
My son calls Pez dispensers candy elevators and I'm a little disappointed that I didn't think of that first.
— Steve (@stevehasatweet) December 10, 2018
*while wife is pregnant*
Me: I’m never going to drink in front of my kids.
*8 years and 2 kids later*
8yo: Here you go, Dad.
Me: That’s way too much head! What did I tell you about tipping the bottle?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 15, 2018
My 5yo made a drawing in the kitchen and my 9yo wanted to see it but didn’t want to get off the couch so she asked me to take a picture of it and show her.
People say she doesn't look like me, but my genes run strong.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 12, 2018
To the writers of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, how come you didn’t warn me that one day my cute and cuddly newborn would turn into a 9yo that yells “I hate you so much” when asked to wash his hands after school?
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) December 10, 2018
Kids: What’s for dinner?
Me: Tonight we're having ribeyes with a coffee and cocoa rub, garlic smashed potatoes and Parmesan-grilled corn.
Me: I'll make nuggets.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) December 14, 2018
We are potty training my son and he finally took a royal sized poo in his little potty. I cleaned it up and just now he stomped in and said "You took my poopy from me!"
Lil dude thought he was gonna keep it as a trophy. I like that spirit.
— Frankzulla (@frankzulla) December 13, 2018
3yo: Can I have a banana? Pleeease
Me: *peels banana*
3yo: I don't want it
Me: You just asked for one!!
3yo: I don't like bananas *walks away*
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 13, 2018
My 3yo put his stuffed animal in the dishwasher and attempted to press the start button, and now I’m left to wonder what type of information he was trying to coerce out of it.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 11, 2018
Special shout out to the kid at my son's elementary school concert who threw his arms into a cross and yelled "Wakanda Forever!" at the end of his performance.
— Heather M. Jones (@hmjoneswriter) December 14, 2018