There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
6: Can you buy me a journal?
M: A journal….for what baby?
6: For all of my secrets.
M: Your secrets?!
6: 😂😂 **leaves the room**
— Dave aka Queeny Purdy-Mouth (@Mr_Spikey_Head) February 5, 2019
If you want your kids to sleep in, make morning plans.
— mommed real hard (@MommedRealHard) February 7, 2019
I see your toddler's tantrum and I raise you a grounded teenager.
— Dorky Romano (@SuperApple80) February 5, 2019
[My son holding at a unicorn poop rainbow glitter slime kit in a store]
Son: Ew. Girl stuff.
Me: It’s okay for boys to like that.
Son: I just don’t like it.
Me: That’s okay too. *relieved I dodged both a glitter and a slime bullet*
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) February 10, 2019
Thoughts and prayers for my daughter, who suffered the devastating loss of the peanut butter being on the “wrong” slice of bread in her P&J sandwich, which has now ruined her entire life.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) February 6, 2019
You're not truly a parent until you've crawled through the McDonalds urine tubes to pull out a crying child.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 8, 2019
Husband: Netflix is raising their prices.
Me: It’s worth it.
H: You don’t even know how much it is.
M: Is it cheaper than a tutor?
H: I thought you were homeschooling.
M: *gestures toward The Magic School Bus Rides Again on tv* I am.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) February 7, 2019
Me: Why has mommy locked herself in the bedroom?
Kid: Because she’s sad?
Me: She has the last of the guacamole doesn’t she?
— EdelBrice 🥨 (@StranDadAbroad) February 4, 2019
"Mom! I made you a character in my video game!"
Me: "Cool! What am I doing?"
"You're angry. I made it just like real life."
— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) February 1, 2019
The Babysitter Cooked My Lean Cuisine and Other Things They Never Warn You About.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) February 7, 2019
*Trying to get my 3 year-old dressed*
Him: NO! I CAN DO IT!!
Me: Okay, here's your shirt.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) February 8, 2019
On Sunday, we converted my 3yo’s crib to a bed. On two of the past three days, he’s come into our room and woken us up at 4:40am.
Long story short, I have some regrets.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 6, 2019
My 9yo sneakily changed the lock screen of my phone to an extreme close-up of my MIL’s face if you’re looking for the world’s next evil genius.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 7, 2019
Friend: What’s it like having kids?
Me: *crushes cracker and sneezes it into their face*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 7, 2019
How can someone look so impossibly perfect when they're asleep but make me so completely insane when they're awake?
– Every toddler Mom, ever
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) February 8, 2019
Here’s a little song I wrote about doing my kids laundry it’s called “Everything is Inside Out” and a one and a two
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 8, 2019
My toddler brushes his teeth the same way I adult. We go through the motions, pretending to know what we’re doing and hope that someone yells “Hey! Great job!”
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) February 6, 2019
My 5 year old just asked me to lotion her pits. Where do I leave my resignation form?
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) February 8, 2019
A sign my son has watched too many YouTube videos: he just showed me a drawing and said, “If you’d like to see more, hit subscribe.”
— Stacy Ryan (@StacyRyanWrites) February 7, 2019