There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
Looking forward to summer vacation just so I don't have to hear 9 months of kids screaming about putting on shoes.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 2, 2018
8yo: Dad, what’s 15 + 30?
Me: 45
8yo: Cool, what’s 35 + 81?
Me: 116
8yo: What’s
Me: Wait, are you just asking me your math homework Qs?
8yo:*laughs* HA-ha! Got you to do my homework!— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 3, 2018
My son just said he’s going to call me “Squishy” to match my stomach and now I need to have another kid just so I can have a favorite
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) June 3, 2018
What I said: Give me a minute, I’m busy right now.
What my kid heard: Please ask me if I can cut an apple for you 86 times while I try to finish this task.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) June 2, 2018
Me: And here's where I grew up. Over there is where I played kickball. Isn't it exciting to see where I lived as a kid?
Son: I thought you said we were getting Slurpees?
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) June 2, 2018
My 8yo was putting sunscreen on my back and said “it feels like I’m rubbing a pig”, in case anyone wonders why I’m drunk later.
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) June 2, 2018
Him: Who are you shushing?
Me: What?
Him: You just said “Shhhhhhhhh..” Nobody is making noise.
With 4 kids, it’s honestly just a reflex at this point.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) June 1, 2018
Every single conversation I have
with my kids pic.twitter.com/osbJEa8E7B— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 1, 2018
I can scream at the top of my lungs and my kids don’t even flinch but the second I break out my scary-gritted-teeth-whisper, they run for the hills.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) May 31, 2018
4: Daddy, I like broccoli!
Me: Great!
4: But I never want to see it on my plate or eat it again.— Distracted Dad (@Distracted_Dad) May 30, 2018
Congratulations on becoming a parent! From now on, every important paper you have to sign will now have a least one food smudge on it.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 31, 2018
Whenever I use voice dictation -fart- on my phone -boogers- my son does -pig- this thing where -cookies- he yells random words -poop- to screw it up.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) June 3, 2018
If your kids come to play at my house, just know I’ll treat them like my own flesh and blood. If they’re hungry, I’ll feed them. If they’re hurt, I’ll comfort them. If they make a mess, you better believe I’ll hand them a mop and a bucket and tell them to clean that shit up.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) May 30, 2018
Both of my kids were born exactly on their due dates, which is ironic because they haven’t been on time for anything since.
— Life?UɴPιɴтereѕтιɴɢ (@LifeUnPinterest) May 30, 2018
https://twitter.com/HomeWithPeanut/status/1001819306840285186
SEPTEMBER: oh honey your backpack has a little scuff on it, let mommy scrub it off
MAY: *banana melts and explodes in backpack pocket* ok let’s just close that pocket and not use it anymore
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 30, 2018
9: I’m bored!
Me: Let’s go to the park.
9: It’s too hot for that.
Me: Want to go to the zoo?
9: I sweat too much there.
Me: Water park with the water slides?
9: That place burns my feet.
Me: [pushes her head into the freezer]— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) May 29, 2018
You all say it's harder to be a Boy-Mom, but I just had to console my daughter for an hour because her butterfly Spot flew away.
— Marl (@Marlebean) May 29, 2018
Science can now visually show us the process of a child sucking away a parent’s life force pic.twitter.com/ntHKSMdUGE
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) May 29, 2018
My toddler told me my car was dirty without a hint of irony, as though she doesn't consistently fling Cheerios around the backseat like rice at a wedding.
— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) May 29, 2018
We keep our bedroom door unlocked at night because you never know when your child will need you at 2am to tell you they want a dog.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 28, 2018
Me “What if I put raisins in your pancake instead of chocolate chips? It looks the same! It’ll be great.”
5 “That may the worst thing I have ever heard in my whole entire life.”
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) May 28, 2018
Me: Decides to surprise kids by getting a free donut at Dunkin Donuts.
Kid: Wants only the donuts that aren't free.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) June 1, 2018
I walked in on my 8 year old staring at himself in my makeup magnifying mirror singing Purple Rain so my work here as a parent is done.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) May 30, 2018
I was playing a Minecraft battle with my son. He won the first two matches. Then, he went and pooped and I won the final three.
Now, he’s convinced that pooping steals his power, and doesn’t want to do it anymore.
Someone help.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 28, 2018
My daughter only has 2 conditions for my next GF.
1. She must be very rich
2. She must buy her a pony.— Mr Wright Now, Maybe (@dannyboy7813) May 28, 2018