There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
*at restaurant
Mommy: Stop kicking my feet
8yo: Sorry, Mommy
His brother: Don’t say sorry to Mommy, say sorry to her feet
8yo: *starts to crawl under table
Me: No no no, that’s okay!
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 9, 2018
Welcome to parenthood. The majority of your conversations now begin with, “Sorry I’m late”
— Melissa (@Fiveoclockmommy) June 8, 2018
The main thing I've learned from parenthood is you can stay at the playground for 68 hours straight and the kids will still whine about leaving
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) June 4, 2018
Tomorrow I have to attend a third grade recorder concert, in case you wondered how painful childbirth really is.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) June 4, 2018
If you thought parenting was stressful before, just you wait until they discover the joys of screaming in fake agony or terror “cuz it’s fun”
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) June 5, 2018
*Dad starts making espresso at 7pm*
Dad: You want one?
Me: Yeah.
Dad: Regular or decaf?
Me: REGULAR.
Dad: You sure it won’t keep you up?
Me: (looks at two kids as tears well up) I’m positive.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 10, 2018
I got my laundry done. The rest of the house looks like a posse of drunk squirrels broke in and threw a rave party, but hey, at least my laundry is done.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) June 7, 2018
"Nope."
~My two-year old, trying to justify he didn't draw on the table with a red crayon while HOLDING A RED CRAYON.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 9, 2018
No one is more persistent than a child who has a question you already answered.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 6, 2018
shout out to noise cancelling headphones
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) June 6, 2018
Me: Want to hang out?
6-year-old: I have plans.
Me: To do what?
6: Not that.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 8, 2018
Watching my 10 year old fold his laundry with a mixture of pride and “GOOD GRIEF THAT’S NOT HOW YOU FOLD A TEE SHIRT!”
— Classy and Cussing (@DrunkAtThePTA) June 6, 2018
Life hack: If you tell the pizza delivery person "Thanks so much, you're making our Pajama Day awesome!" when you and your toddler answer the door in pj's, you transform from the mom who couldn't get her shit together into the fun mom who hosts theme days.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 5, 2018
Expecting Parents,
PLEASE
I beg you
Please look at what your child's name will be spelled backwards.Sincerely,
Marlana— Marl (@Marlebean) June 7, 2018
Sometimes I don't even hear what my kids asked and I respond, "Life's not fair."
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 4, 2018
The best part about parenting is torturing your kids on long car trips by belting out 80s duets with your spouse.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) June 9, 2018
Hypnotist: You are getting sleepy
Me: Finally—someone who gets me— TheAlexNevil, Astronaut Chimp (@TheAlexNevil) June 9, 2018
If you like being woken early in the morning on a Saturday by a short person telling you that they “accidentally” dropped a Harry Potter magnet down the sink drain, then definitely have kids.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 9, 2018
5yo: *angrily* Hey! Why do you get more ice cream!
Me: Because I had to clean apple juice off the leather couch that you spilt when you tripped over the toy I asked you to pick up.
5yo: *backs away slowly like his father taught him how to*— Kerry ? (@whatbabytalk) June 8, 2018
It’s her summer break so I woke my 11 year old daughter up at 5:15 this morning. I’ve been waiting for this revenge since she was 4.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 6, 2018
My toddler wants “pink eggs” for breakfast & I have no idea what that is, but I know it’s going to be all downhill from here.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) June 9, 2018
TwinzerMom: What did the boys have for lunch?
Me: they each had 2 peanut butter sandwiches with the crusts cut off.
TwinzerMom: Wow, what did you have?
Me: The crusts from 8 pieces of bread….#Dadlife #Parenting
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) June 4, 2018
I didn’t realize 80% of song lyrics were inappropriate until I had to listen to them in the car with my kids.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) June 8, 2018
My wife doesn’t try to think of witty comebacks anymore. She just waits for my kids to say something snappy back to me, and then she says “Yeeeeeeah!!”
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 8, 2018
It's 6am somewhere!
~Toddlers waking up at 4am.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 6, 2018
The quickest way to get your children to find their sneakers is to have them look for their dress shoes.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 5, 2018