There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
1) Fold in 1/2 cup of flour.
2) Add 2 eggs.
3) Pick nerf dart out of mixture that just ricocheted off your neck.
-if I wrote a cookbook
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) June 4, 2018
4: Your beard is like a wizard's.
Me: It's not that long!
4: No, it's that gray.
— Distracted Dad (@Distracted_Dad) July 5, 2018
A proud fatherly moment I had today was convincing my 6yo son that we had to leave the wave pool after two hours because, "the tide is coming in."
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 8, 2018
Me to 3yo: Do you want eggs?
Me: You sure?
3yo: I DON'T WANT ANY!
*Makes eggs and sits down*
3yo: I want some.
Me: I JUST asked you if you wanted any and you said no.
3yo: I want some!
*Makes 3yo eggs*
3yo: I dont want this.
This. This is why moms are crazy.
— Unbalanced Momma (@UnbalancedMomma) July 6, 2018
11yo: “I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you’re the most psychopathic sister I can imagine. No offense.”
8yo: “HOW IS THAT NOT OFFENSIVE??” *punches him*
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) July 4, 2018
[dropping son off at camp]
son: I'll miss you
me: We'll miss you too buddy
son: I'll call every night
me: We won't answer
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) July 7, 2018
10 wants a dog. The plant by the fireplace is barely alive. I’m barely alive. Everyone is crying over pop tarts. I just grounded the neighbor kid thinking he was mine, but yeah. Let’s get a dog.
— Classy and Cussing (@DrunkAtThePTA) July 6, 2018
If anyone is wondering what it’s like to have kids home on summer break, my son’s goal today was to take a shower before I got home at 5:30pm. He failed.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 6, 2018
If I could have one parenting superpower it would be to synchronize the bladders of my children on long road trips.#1ParentingSuperpower
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) July 8, 2018
Ironically, my kids are celebrating Independence Day by not doing anything themselves.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 4, 2018
If you play 20 questions with my son, there’s a 99% chance the answer is “a dead bird”
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 4, 2018
It’s 100 degrees in the shade, and every movement leaves me dripping with sweat.
Meanwhile, my 7yo is having soup for lunch.
I’m legit scared.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 2, 2018
The dinner scene in Beauty and the Beast only instead of Belle, it's my son dry heaving over every dish that dances by.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) July 2, 2018
My 11yo was complaining about people shooting fireworks off a few days early so I’m just gonna go ahead and sign him up for a Facebook account so he can gripe on our town chatter page with everyone else
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) July 3, 2018
My toddler recently learned that when you see a "Stop" sign, you don't move….um, I'll be back.
*Goes out to street, takes "Stop" sign from corner, and installs it outside my toddler's room*
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 7, 2018
Yesterday I panicked when my kid came downstairs and I threw my ice cream cone in the trash so he wouldn't see it and ask for one.
Into. The. Trash.
So I wouldn't have to share.
There's no joke. This is just my life now.
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) July 3, 2018
A bee cut my foot open with his butthole.
– my stepson, describing his bee sting
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) July 8, 2018