There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
Lies your children tell:
These shoes fit.
I love these shoes.
These shoes are my favorite.
I will wear these shoes.
— 🔳your mom🔳 (@eff_yeah_steph) July 13, 2018
My husband told me that one day our children will read my tweets.
Thank goodness, because this is the closest thing to a baby book I’ve done.
— InsoMOMniac (@insoMOMniac) July 12, 2018
From another room I just overheard my son say “well that didn’t go as planned” and I’m genuinely afraid to go inspect the situation.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) July 14, 2018
One man’s trash is
the most interesting thing my toddler found on our 40 minute walk.
— Mia Carella, Writer (@mia_carella) June 16, 2018
My 4 year old asked me to stay with him while he falls asleep because he’s scared, and now he’s deliberately tangling his legs up with mine so I can’t get away without waking him.
— Goats? (@Gooooats) July 11, 2018
Kylie Jenner: 20 years old and worth $900 million.
Me: 36 years old and just rinsed out a Ziploc bag to reuse for the 900th time.
Guess we're both living the dream.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) July 12, 2018
Why walk just anywhere when you can walk through the pile of crumbs mom just swept?
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 10, 2018
Made it to that level of dad where you buy a newspaper on vacation.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 12, 2018
My kids are attempting to play duck duck goose. There’s only two of them. It’s not going well.
— Katie (@good_one_rick) July 11, 2018
Never judge a book by its cover… and never judge a parent who has more than one kid by the inside of their family car.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) July 11, 2018
Someone needs to write a book for kids’ OTHER milestones like…
Baby’s First Swear Word
Baby’s First Projectile Vomit
Baby’s First Diaper Explosion
Baby’s First Floater in the Public Pool
Baby’s First Violence Against an Older Sibling
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 12, 2018
When you wake up and the first text you see confirms you married right. pic.twitter.com/l9qZ7xlbzi
— Brian Brushwood (@shwood) July 12, 2018
My son asked me to guess his 4th favorite video game, and I did it on my second try, so I’m pretty sure we are spending too much time together.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 12, 2018
Me: (limits screen time)
[5 minutes later]
6: (gets a concussion)
Me: That’s it! Everyone back on their tablets!
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 10, 2018
I don’t always drink iced coffee, but when I do, it’s because my kids prevented me from drinking it hot so I gave up and added some ice.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 10, 2018
The rules of this game my kids just made up are very long and complex, but on the plus side, they are completely arbitrary and the later rules directly contradict the earlier ones
— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) July 12, 2018
My 3yo had a nightmare and I told him there was nothing to worry about because it’s not real.
So now he walks around saying “dreams don’t come true” and I guess I can’t really argue with him there.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) July 13, 2018
My boys have turned the bathroom into what can only be compared to a porta potty at an outdoor concert. I think my only option is to move.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) July 14, 2018
Me, to kids: “Go to bed; it’s so important for your health to get enough sleep.”
Also me: stays up until 2am watching “cats being jerks” videos on Youtube.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 13, 2018
Life with young boys:
Boys: Here’s two sticks, LETS FIGHT.
Boys: Two rocks, LETS FIGHT.
Boys: Two toys, LETS FIGHT.
Boys: Two cute kittens, LETS MAKE THEM FIGHT.
— Kerry 🌺 (@whatbabytalk) July 15, 2018
8yo: Geez Mom. Haven't you ever heard of privacy?
Me: Not since you were born.
— Northern Lights 🐉 (@PinkCamoTO) July 14, 2018
For more funny thoughts on fatherhood. Check out our interview with the hilarious Marlon Wayans.