There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
Not to brag but I can fall asleep while my kid plays G.I. Joe's on my face.
— CKraig (@PondHockeyPro) July 22, 2018
Me: Hey, when you see a towel on the floor like this, please pick it up, and put it away
8yos:
Me: Kids, what did I just say?
8yos: When you see a towel on the floor, throw it away
Me: Nailed it
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 23, 2018
wife: Why are there dishes in the sink?
my son’s last words: Because you didn’t do them— Josh (@iwearaonesie) July 27, 2018
This morning's recreation of The Exorcist has been brought to you by a teen on summer break who was told he has to get up for a doctor's appointment.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) July 25, 2018
You know you are a parent when you are working from home and doing an interview for work and your child opens the door to your office to let you know they clogged the toilet. ??
— DadatWork (@ArtEddy3) July 26, 2018
[in living room]
Daughter: This show SUCKS
Son: YOU suck
Wife: Ok, that’s ENOUGH
Me: WHERE IS THE TV REMOTE
Realtor: *clears throat*
Me: Feels like home…we’ll take it— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) July 23, 2018
Me: *sets any kind of full cup of liquid down*
My toddlers: Here, allow me to pick that up and bring it to you while also dumping it all over the floor
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22? (@MacgyveringM22) July 28, 2018
I had this idea to start making “kid leftover sandwiches,” so I just ate some nuggets and string cheese in a hot dog bun and I can’t warn you enough not to try this idea.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) July 23, 2018
You like roller coasters to pump up your adrenaline? That's cool.
I prefer giving my toddler pasta and sauce to do the same.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 28, 2018
My 8yo outlined all the chores she had done this week, demanded her allowance, then marched over and handed me my wallet.
She's available if you need a pep talk before your next salary negotiation.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 29, 2018
10-yr-old: “Dad! He punched me for no reason!”
8-yr-old: “That’s not true!”
Me: “Did you punch her or not?!”
8-yo: “Yes. But I had a reason.”#dadlife
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) July 26, 2018
I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something I can no longer remember because our kids interrupted us 175 times.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 24, 2018
Day 53 of summer vacation:
“After you die in this Fortnite battle, clean your room” is something I say now.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 23, 2018
Me, to my kids: Fast food is disgusting and unhealthy. We don’t eat that junk.
Me, to my kids, five hours into a road trip: YOU’D BETTER EAT THOSE MCNUGGETS BEFORE I COME BACK THERE AND PUKE THEM INTO YOUR MOUTHS LIKE A MAMA BIRD!
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 29, 2018
One of my sons is riding the other one like a pony around Home Depot while they make bizarre sounds.
No paternity test necessary. They’re mine.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 28, 2018
To my children who questioned my Mario Kart skills:
NEVER, EVER SPEAK ABOUT MY GAME AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. I WILL NO LONGER STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF DISRESPECT AND INSOLENCE. BE CAUTIOUS!— keith (@tchrquotes) July 23, 2018
5yo: My fingers smell like mint
Me: Why do your fingers smell like mint?
5: From the floss I was using earlier
Me: Wow that’s awesome buddy, I’m so proud of you for finally flossing!
5: Wellllll, actuallyyy… I was just building my spiderweb
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22? (@MacgyveringM22) July 24, 2018