There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
Wife: did you teach our toddler how to make herself coffee on the K-Cup machine?
Me: of course not!
Wife: cause she just did it.
Me: I taught our toddler how to make ME coffee on the K-Cup machine.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) August 1, 2018
Real questions my kids get out of bed to ask at 10pm: “Mom, do you have any twigs I can use?”
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) July 31, 2018
We bought our son a toy smart watch yesterday and he’s already taken over a thousand boring pictures and recorded himself farting 17 times. The children are our future.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) August 2, 2018
I just had to yell, “Do not put the cat in the bread drawer!” for the SECOND time today in case you wondered how my day is going.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 1, 2018
Dad will you help me with this?
-My daughter showing me her summer reading list on the day before she goes back to school.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 1, 2018
Me: Son, when I was a kid we didn't wear helmets when we rode our bikes.
Son: Didn't you and your friends believe that wrestling was real back then?
Me: Yeah, so?
Son: Probably should have worn helmets, dad.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 31, 2018
Games I had to ban my kids from playing today:
1) Race Up and Down the Stairs
2) Door Slamming Contest
3) Knife Tag
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 4, 2018
{Pixar Meet & Greet}
Buzz Lightyear: I'm a talking toy
Dory: I'm a talking fish
Lightning McQueen: I'm a talking car
Guy from UP: My wife died
Everyone:
Dory: I'm a talking fish— the great stoned dragon (@KickSumHunibuns) August 3, 2018
Me: *Out grocery shopping with my family*
Stranger: Wow, you have your hands full!
Me: *Juggling eight packages of Oreos* Yeah, they said the limit’s ten, but I’m gonna push my luck and throw a couple extra in there.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) July 31, 2018
[mini golf with young children]
Hole 1: This is so much FUN!!
Hole 3: Why don’t we come back in 5 years and finish the game then?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 2, 2018
I just discovered that my daughter has an emergency stash of rainbow sprinkles in a travel-sized, spill-proof container, in case anyone is looking for a life coach.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) August 2, 2018
Parenting is spreading peanut butter on your warm toast and just as you go to take a bite your toddler runs in shivering because she undressed herself again so you put down the toast letting it get cold so you can warm up your kid and somehow you’re completely ok with it all.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) August 4, 2018
Me: <obviously and violently vomiting in the bathroom>
My Kid: <from other side of the door> Mom, the WiFi’s being weird— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) July 31, 2018
Just when you thought listening to your kid talk about their video game couldn’t get any worse, they exclaim,
“Mommy, I made it to level 75, just like your age!”— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) July 31, 2018
If you’re not constantly disappointed in yourself, are you even a parent?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 3, 2018
8yo: Dad, can I eat on the couch?
Me: Sure, as long as you're carefu-
8yo: I spilled my drink
Me: Of course— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 31, 2018
At the library.
Mom: Stop crawling on the floor.
Boy: I'm looking for the dinosaurs.
Mom: Sit in the chair. I won't tell you again.
Boy: Okay.
*Sits in chair*
Ominous whisper: But the dinosaurs are coming for us.— Erin Entrada Kelly (@erinentrada) August 1, 2018