There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
My best parenting advice is to avoid books about what to expect. You're better off not knowing what horrible phase comes next.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) August 9, 2018
[McDonalds drive thru]
toddler [possibly drunk] ASK IF THEY HAVE POP TARTS
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) August 12, 2018
Husband: *walks in from work*
Me: YOU'RE HERE! Thank the Manufacturer, you're ALIVE!
M: It's what Mack says when he finds Lightning McQueen in Radiator Springs.
H: You need a break from the kids?
M: Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 9, 2018
8yo: *Sits down next to me
Me: Thanks for farting
8yo: You’re welcome
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 12, 2018
YES. I did it!!!! Took me five years, but I won’t be buying scissors, ear buds and pencils for my kids. Found a stash of those items I put away last year. Small victory, but I’ll take it. #ParentingGoals #LifeofDad pic.twitter.com/SOS9ajlkZ0
— DadatWork (@ArtEddy3) August 10, 2018
9yo: I’m forming a band with Mary and Sara.
9yo: Yeah, we are all going to play the recorder.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 9, 2018
My kid at 8am: Mommy!
Me: Yes, my love?
My kid at 8pm: Mommy!
Me: WHAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT NOWWWWW?!
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) August 10, 2018
Hug your teenagers today. In all likelihood they’ll be mortified by it and you can enjoy that sweet, albeit brief, victory.
— TheAlexNevil, Otherwise Blameless (@TheAlexNevil) August 9, 2018
My kid just fed me what she said was a raisin. It wasn't a raisin.
Never, I repeat never, eat anything your kid feeds you without double checking.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) August 10, 2018
Nothing emotionally prepares you for the day when you’re going to the bathroom and you realize that none of your kids have even tried to break down the door to watch you pee. No one cares. You pee alone now.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) August 7, 2018
The first time I realized my kids are spoiled was when they started complaining about not being able to skip commercials at a hotel.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 6, 2018
“Kids are disgusting”, I say as I blow my nose in a hanky that hasn’t been washed in 42 years.
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) August 10, 2018
Parenthood is sometimes pulling something random out of your pocket like a ketchup packet and being so tired that you don’t know how it got there and also don’t even care.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) August 9, 2018
4: Mommy when we’re a lot old like you will we never have friends come play with us ever and just need to hold the phone and scream a lot if we can’t find it?
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) August 11, 2018
My toddler can fall face-first from the couch with nary a whimper, but say the word "bedtime" and it's like he got shot in the kneecap.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 8, 2018
Ever ask someone if they remember a TV show from back in the day and they don't know what you're talking about?
That's parenting, everyday. With EVERYTHING you say.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) August 11, 2018
I’m not even the drunkest parent at this back-to-school orientation
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) August 10, 2018
Your friends when they find out you’re pregnant: We’re so happy for you, enjoy every precious second with your kids.
5 years later, your friends when you tell them your kids are going to the grandparents for a week: HELL YES GIRL WOO OH GOD I AM SO JEALOUS
— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) August 8, 2018
If my toddler stops to pet your dog, forgive him for not saying hello or thank you. He's too focused on your dog to even know you exist.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 10, 2018
My mom: wow it’s so nice of Jeff to watch your kids for the next few days while you’re gone
Me: yes, he is very excited to continue to be a father
— sleepy mom (@lauratnelson) August 10, 2018
Nothing says “I’m already out of ideas” quite like this dad at Rite Aid buying ice cream for his 3yo at 9:15am
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 6, 2018
My son just asked me if I was alive when the Titanic sunk so if anyone needs me I’ll be googling Oil of Olay products all night.
— Andrea writes (@andrealremke) August 10, 2018
My daughter just straight up out of the blue said "daddy if you ever get shot I hope it's in the belly so your fat will save you" WTF
— Melvin of York (@MelvinofYork) August 12, 2018