There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
My daughter said that she “really doesn’t like recess that much because there’s no time for learning math and reading” and now I think she may have been replaced by one of those Stepford children.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 6, 2018
If I say “I’ll watch them like my own kids” when you let your kids play at my house, that’s not a good thing.
— m?mma unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) September 6, 2018
Pride can be swallowed pretty easily by downing a kid's leftover half-eaten fruit squeezie pouch.
— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) September 6, 2018
Laying down with my son to help put him to bed, I think he just rolled over so he could fart on me.
But I’m only basing this on the five times he’s farted on me so far.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) September 7, 2018
Sometimes I purposefully dress my toddler in mismatched pajamas just to make my wife’s head explode.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 8, 2018
9: What was your favorite school special in 4th grade? Let me guess – computer.
Me: We didn’t have computers when I was in 4th grade.
9: Ha! You’re old.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) September 7, 2018
Dear Fortnite, I hope now that school has started you aren’t too lonely. My kids will come back to you around 3:30pm.
— eric harper (@ericsshadow) September 4, 2018
When you’re finally ready to eat the snack that you hid from the kids all day, but discover that your spouse ate it. pic.twitter.com/fsWzIL6fli
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) September 6, 2018
[watching tv together]
Me: I think he’s supposed to be doing Kung Fu.
8yo: More like he’s… kung-fused.
Me: *proudly gives him the World’s Greatest Dad mug he gave me for Father’s Day*
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) September 6, 2018
Omg omg baby is asleep! I'm gonna relax a bit before he wakes up. But first just real quick…
*Puts laundry in washer.
*Loads dishwasher.
*Cleans off dining room table.
*Makes a phone call.
*Makes some food.
*Sits down, coffee in one hand, remote in the other.
*Baby wakes up.— Heather is a hot mess (@h0tmessmama) September 7, 2018
My 2yo is crying because I won’t let her hold a burning candle and earlier she cried because I wouldn’t let her use a gluestick as chapstick and I wish I could ask the lady from the drugstore if these are the moments I’m supposed to be enjoying every minute of.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) August 29, 2018
Up until today, my son thought that crabapples had actual crabs inside of them and now I'm kind of annoyed they don't
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) September 5, 2018
<from the bathroom>
4yo: Penis penis penis penis peniiissss THATS MAH PEEENISSS penis penis penis penis
Me: omg I have three of these heathens ???
— Boy Mom Life (@Heatherheiser2) September 7, 2018
Can’t…my toddler’s crying because she didn’t want mayonnaise on HER sandwich, and I put mayonnaise on MY sandwich.
— Life?UɴPιɴтereѕтιɴɢ (@LifeUnPinterest) September 5, 2018
8yo: *playing with cars
Me: Did you finish your homework?
8yo: No
Me: You know the rule – homework first
8yo: Yeah, I'm going to need to change that rule.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 4, 2018
Me: *checks 8yo’s lunchbox* wow, a half eaten sandwich that’s been sitting in a hot backpack all day, thanks for bringing that home.
8: Sorry, Mom. I’ll throw it away next time.
Me: *mouthful of sandwich* what? why?
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 5, 2018
Overheard from a mom in a Target bathroom: "Don't put your head on the toilet seat. I told you many times."
And THIS is why we're a sisterhood.
— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) September 8, 2018
[bath time]
Me: lean your head back while I’m rinsing your hair and I promise the soap won’t get in your eyes
Toddler: (remembering the time I said broccoli was yummy) NO!!!
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) September 6, 2018
The fact that my two year old knows the alphabet is impressive. But it's his ability to roll his eyes that assures me that he is advanced.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) September 4, 2018