There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
I forgot to tell my daughter not to dump an entire box of blueberries on the floor as we were unloading groceries. I also forgot to tell her not to jump up on and down on them as she walked to get the broom. Totally my fault, should have explained that it's not how we do things.
— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) September 10, 2018
My youngest made it 8 whole days of school before soaking his agenda with a water bottle accidentally left open. I’m not even mad. 8 days is a good run.
— Kelly Williams (@kellywilli) September 14, 2018
As a parent, there is no sound more soul-crushing than the tiny, sweet voice of your small child calling for you long after you thought they were asleep.
— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) September 9, 2018
9B.*5% of parenting is not really being able to think straight.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) September 13, 2018
Kid: *3 and a half seconds after calling me the worst mom ever* Can you make me a snack?
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 14, 2018
I’m not opposed to putting a stick figure family on my van window but they’d have to be punching and choking one another for the sake of realism.
— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) September 12, 2018
My husband and I shouted at the kids to go back to bed at the same time and that’s the closest we’ve come to a date night in weeks.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) September 13, 2018
Son [doing homework]: What's an example of a palindrome?
Me: Mom.
Son: Ugh. Fine. Mom can you give me an example of a palindrome?
Wife: Dad.
Son: OHMYGOD WHY WON'T YOU GUYS HELP ME— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) September 10, 2018
Being a parent is like being in a video game; you start your day at Level One, die at night, and then restart the same shit again the next day.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 12, 2018
My son is learning to shower:
6: how much shampoo do I use?
Me: the size of a pea.
(Hears pump after pump being shot out of the jug)
Me: how much did you use? Sounds like a lot.
6: have you ever seen how much I pee in the morning?
Shampoo. Everywhere.
— Mommy Narrated (@MommyNarrated) September 13, 2018
trillion dollar idea; a TV with a built in 3D printer that auto-generates a new remote every night after your three year old daughter loses the previous remote while watching peppa pig again even though she’s seen every damn episode 20 times.
— Casey Neistat (@CaseyNeistat) September 12, 2018
Nothing like seeing a new dad at Disney World find out a Mickey shaped balloon with a glow stick in it is $35. Welcome to the club buddy.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 16, 2018
Trying to keep your house clean with children is like trying to fight a wildfire with a spray bottle.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 14, 2018
Sorry, kids, I don’t make the rules!
-me, responding to my children’s complaints about rules I 100% made up.
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) September 12, 2018
Celebrating my 11th wedding anniversary by repeatedly yelling at a group of children playing with fake swords to stop screaming at the top of their lungs. ROMANCE!
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 16, 2018
Once when I was a kid I threatened to stab my mom with a fork if I didn’t get my way and my 8yo just threatened to stab me with a freshly sharpened pencil, such a special moment ?
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 12, 2018
https://twitter.com/2questionable/status/1040332241166106625
I packed 5 oranges in 5 different lunches today and all five oranges came back home. Apparently, I send fruit on field trips.
— Tracie Tom (@tracietom) September 15, 2018
Nothing prepares you for the disappointment of your son telling you he likes banana-flavored candy
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 15, 2018
How can kids be so dumb and so brilliant at the same time? My son can't say "oatmeal," but he calls it "eatmeal" before I serve it and "atemeal" once he's done.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 13, 2018
For my next trick, I will make my children disappear by requesting they try on clothes from last year to see which ones fit.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 11, 2018
There’s always the ‘Funniest parenting tweets of the week’ but never the ‘Funniest guy living alone in basement apartment tweets of the week’, heck this.
— Matt (@Stap_Jr) September 11, 2018