There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
I could start my own candle company with all the crayons we have from restaurants.
— In Tha Burbs (@InThaBurbs) April 15, 2018
Me- "This is Friday the 13th! This movie is rated R. It's way to intense for you."
13- "I've seen Kindergarten Cop…I know all about intense."
Me- "…..exactly."
— Bougie Munchkin (@pretendmunchkin) April 13, 2018
Gave my son the "you live under my roof, you play by my rules" speech and my father's mustache immediately appeared on my face.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 15, 2018
My kids’ school printed out 1,000 flyers to explain that they’re “going green.”
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 16, 2018
As a kid, running up park slides felt like ninja training. As an adult, I realize ninjas probably never needed to run up a children’s slide at all, ever, in the entire history of ninjas.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) April 13, 2018
I had food delivered to our seats in the movie theater.
Laziness level: Expert.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) April 15, 2018
3-year-old: I got dressed all by myself!
Me: You're only wearing socks.
3: I got dressed enough.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 13, 2018
As the toddler played quietly in his room while the baby slept, I actually had the thought "Wow. I am crushing this parenting thing." Then he emerged to announce "Mommy, I gave a cars a pee wash!" and it all went to shit.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) April 12, 2018
Now that I'm a mom, I know my own mother wasn't as sorry when she "accidentally" pulled my hair while brushing it.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) April 10, 2018
If I had a kid’s cooking show with my children, my signature line would be “why don’t you let me do that.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 12, 2018
8yo: Daddy, I saw this great new movie called “Home,” have you seen it?
Me: Yup, I liked it
8yo: *explains entire movie anyway
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 14, 2018
Me: go get dressed *yells upstairs* AND CHANGE YOUR UNDERWEAR!
6: I just changed them yesterday!
Me: Yeah, you need to do it every day.
6: EVERY DAY?!?!
7: Calm down, she doesn’t mean like literally every day
Me: Actually that’s exactly what I meanIs 7:43 AM too early for wine?
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 10, 2018
Hey, moms can make dad jokes. I checked and there's literally no one policing this.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) April 12, 2018
Listening to my kids argue makes me feel like I’m going to have a breakdown yet a little excited about a brief hospital stay.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 11, 2018
8YR OLD: dad, can we get pizza for dinner tonight?
ME: aw sweetie, I'm sorry…I had pizza for lunch
8: you think I give a damn what you had for lunch?
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) April 11, 2018
It's so weird how my kids can't hear me until I'm loud enough for all the neighbors to also hear me. So. Weird.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) April 11, 2018
(3am, my kid wakes up)
Me: *Pretends to be asleep*
My wife: *Pretends to be more asleep*
Me: *Pretends to be even more asleep*
My wife: *Pretends to be even way more asleep*
— Phil (@geowizzacist) April 9, 2018
The problem with making pancakes is that by the time the pancake-maker has finished making pancakes, the pancake-eaters have finished eating breakfast and also lunch.
— jess (@jessokfine) April 14, 2018