There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
[The snooze button before kids]
*Hits the snooze button*
[After kids]
*Gives child brief tutorial each night before bed on how to access the iPad and leaves all the good snacks at eye level*
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22? (@MacgyveringM22) May 14, 2018
Can we finish at least one entire sentence puh-lease! pic.twitter.com/6fLI4KcaBI
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) May 15, 2018
6-year-old: *sees hockey sticks* Can we get those?
Me: You don't even know what they're for.
6: Swordfighting.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 18, 2018
Junk drawer before kids: Place where you keep a bunch of miscellaneous crap.
Junk drawer after kids: Your entire house.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 19, 2018
Me: Don’t tell me what to do – you’re not the boss of me
8yo: YES I AM!
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 19, 2018
Having a son is always an adventure.
For example, today’s adventure was saying “We don’t sit on the couch unless we’re wearing underwear.”
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) May 18, 2018
I just yelled “we don’t have time for the shenanigans!” at my kids and 5 gray hairs spontaneously sprouted from my scalp as a Readers Digest appeared in my kitchen.
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) May 17, 2018
You can tell what grade your child is in by how many kid safe scissors you have in your junk drawer. We have 64 of them. That means my oldest is in the fourth grade. #nomorescissors #lifeofdad
— DadatWork (@ArtEddy3) May 19, 2018
I didn’t realize there was a wrong way to mow a lawn until I asked my son to do it.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 18, 2018
I asked 2 what his full name was and he answered "Shoes on!" in an exasperated voice, so at least I know he listens to me.
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@PedersenAhmed) May 16, 2018
My toddler just looked me straight in the eyes and whispered “I’m NOT crazy.” Which sounds exactly like something a crazy person would do.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 19, 2018
The 12y.o. is home sick, & we’re binging on Taco Bell and a Rocky movie marathon.
His sick day has become one of my favorite days.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) May 18, 2018
Huddles together
Takes out clip board
Draws up play
Crosses parking lot with children
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 18, 2018
If you want your kids to play with their toys, just put them in the box for Goodwill.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) May 18, 2018
Son: Mom, have you seen my Lego clowns?
(flashback to throwing their creepy asses in the garbage yesterday)
Me: Not today, honey.
— Just J (@junejuly12) May 18, 2018
Friend: Why are there socks in your microwave?
Me: oh, still recovering from all the “HELP” on Mother’s Day.
— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) May 16, 2018
7YO: Where are you going?
Me: To the store.
7YO: Can I go?
Me: No. You ask me to buy everything for you.
7YO: I promise not to do that!?
*at store
7YO:[holding toy] Can you buy this for yourself?
— TonyL (@creativeTypeDad) May 17, 2018
My kids beg for a dog and swear that they will clean up its poop, which I highly doubt because my kids don't even flush the toilet.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 16, 2018
Welcome to parenthood; hope you don’t love your furniture
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) May 16, 2018
i had to break it to my daughter that her tree fort’s defences would barely hold up against a prolonged siege
— Bison (@McGrumpenstein) May 15, 2018
Mom: [carries in womb for 10 months, breastfeeds another 12 months, quits job to stay at home and raise our daughter]
Me: [does the going downstairs behind the couch gag]
Daughter: Daddy’s my best friend!
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) May 15, 2018
My feelings are a little hurt that no one has congratulated me on having the Loudest Children on Earth
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) May 16, 2018