There are some very funny parents on the internet, so we decided to round up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! We hope you enjoy these as much as we did!
For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!
5-year-old: The carpet is lava!
Me: *walks on it anyway*
5: If you melt, can I be the new dad?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2018
Sometimes my kids complain about something I tell them to do and I say “hey man, I don’t make the rules!” and then I walk away laughing under my breath because I DO make the rules.
— Brandon (@proathomedad) March 11, 2018
DAUGHTER: dad, can I have the last 2 frozen waffles for breakfast?
ME: no, sweetie…they’re expired
[5 min later]
D: I thought you said those were expired
M: [eating waffles] I lied
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) March 11, 2018
I once googled "is Radiator Springs a real town" so if you tell me to go "northeast" know that I'll just twirl my hair and panic
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 11, 2018
?? whats happening wif my hair, whats my hair doing?
??♂️ The answer, my friend, is “blowing in the wind”.
?? mama why is dada laughing an youre not laughing
?? The usual reasons— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) March 9, 2018
Sometimes as a parent there are those moments of pure joy & excitement, like when you arrive at a kids’ birthday party & the host says parents don’t have to stay.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 10, 2018
Tell your kids you love them every day! Do it at their Jr. High. Be sure you're wearing a fanny pack & a shirt with a picture of them on it.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 10, 2018
Me pretending that's not my kid in public pic.twitter.com/iVgBEASlWk
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) March 8, 2018
Future:
Me: You studiously avoided fruit and all healthy fats.
My Kid Grown Up: Outsmarted you
Me: I snuck cod liver oil in your milk for two years— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 7, 2018
I took my kids bathing suit shopping so if anyone needs us we'll be in the bathroom at Kohl's for the next 12 hours.
— TheMotherOctopus (@MotherOctopusKJ) March 10, 2018
My favorite way to wake up from a nap is with a toddler throwing a ball at my face while a 7yo screams “YOU SAID WE COULD PLAY MONOPOLY!!!” at me over and over.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 10, 2018
When a kid is mean to my kid…
(what I say): Let’s rise above their anger and show kindness
(what I want to say): MY WRATH WILL SWEEP THEIR FAMILY TREE WITH THE VENGEANCE OF 1,000 SUNS
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) March 9, 2018
Me: Come here! I have a present for you!
Son, correctly guessing it’s laundry to carry upstairs and put away: No thanks—your love is the only present I’ll ever need from you!— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) March 9, 2018
Me “What are you doing to your tooth?!”
5 “Trying to pull it out.”
Me “That’s going to hurt.”
5 “I don’t care. I need the money.”
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) March 10, 2018
Daughter: Daddy WAKE UP
Me: ugh what time is it
Daughter: that's what I wanted to ask you— Melvin of York (@MelvinofYork) March 10, 2018
How to put on shoes like a 5-year-old:
1) Put on one shoe.
2) Ponder the mysteries of the universe.
3) What shoes?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 9, 2018
Teaching a 6yo how to make the bed is exactly like teaching a cat how to make the bed.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 10, 2018
My kid is combining three board games to make up a new game and I’m both impressed by his imagination and his ability to create a colossal mess I'll have to sort out later.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) March 10, 2018