Since starting this blog, I’ve had several people ask me why I refer to my baby as “Ninja Baby.” It all started during my brother and his wife’s pregnancy. After one of their ultrasounds, I began joking with my brother, telling him that he would have twins, but the other baby couldn’t be found because it was a ninja-baby. As time passed, I sat and thought of how awesome actually having a ninja-baby would be. As a die hard fan of the Ninja Turtles, my mind went haywire with thoughts of a little newborn assassin. And that got me thinking further. Picture any of these:
Ninja Baby- The doctor smiles and says congratulations as he holds up a baby in full shinobi shozoku (ninja outfit) for all to see. He goes to spank the baby, but is instead met with a ninja chop to the neck. Nine months of training in its personal dojo have honed Ninja Baby’s skills to a razor sharp edge. Later in life, Ninja Baby proves to be elusive and cunning. My wife’s announcements of “bath time” are met with a smoke pellet and fours hours of searching the shadows for the baby.
Batman Baby- Much like Ninja Baby, Batman Baby is also trained in mind and body to the highest level. The delivery concludes with the doctor wondering where the baby got the materials to construct the grappling gun. Later in life, Batman Baby is the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, taking care of Mom and Dad.
Call of Duty Baby- A baby that I can sit and play with for hours on end without a break. COD Baby is always prepared, having loadout diaper bags for every situation. Common items always carried by COD Baby include stun grenades, extra ammo, and Cheerios. When in deep trouble, COD Baby can call in care packages of toys.
Slash Baby- This baby’s delivery is marked with pyrotechnics and an extended solo by the baby. Slash Baby is always ready to rock, never far from its guitar, and it learns to read music before it can speak. Note: My Slash Baby does not fall into any bouts with narcotics or booze.
While any of these baby versions would be really cool, I’m know I’m going to love my baby no matter what. And I realize that my wife and I are presented with a great responsibility. We will help determine what kind of person our child becomes. Even now, eating well and having my wife take care of her mind and body are important steps. We want to give our baby the best of us in every aspect, both now and through our child’s life. And whatever Ninja Baby chooses to become, we will be there to help it be its best. Whether that’s a doctor, a baseball player, or whatever may come.
Especially if he/she chooses to become a master of Ninjitsu…………..