Yeah, I know, Hate is a strong word. We are taught as children that it is a word that we are never to use, along with fat, ugly and stupid.
Well, I don’t care about all that now because I have to tell you sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, that I Hate Garage Sales!
Every year our community has a big garage sale. You put your name on the list of houses that are participating and then you go through all your junk. Inevitably, there is little to no advertising and only 9 or 10 people show up.
Oddly enough, every year there is the same amount or more junk than the previous year. How is this even possible? Do we never learn our lessons from the previous garage sales? That buying less crap that we don’t need would equal less garage sales!
Nope. We continue buying crap. Crap that’s not even good enough to put on those online “garage sale” sites like Kijiji or Craig’s List. Crap so crappy, that only the most desperate of buyers would trek all the way to your house to dig it out of a box filled with other crap.
The whole Garage Sale set up is flawed from the start. You can bank on spending 5-6 hours of prep time, plus another 4 at the sale and unless you are selling rare antiques or a kidney, you are going to make somewhere between $30 to $60. Where’s the logic in pulling in $5/hour? Whatever, at least it’s nice outside, right?
Then you have the customers. Let’s run them down in order of my least to most despised. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
– First we have the “I’ll be back in a bit, I just have to tell my friend about this” person. They’re so afraid to let you know that they hate all your crap, that they are making up a fake friend to get off of your driveway.
– Then we have the cute old ladies, who come at you with their cute old lady charm to get you to lower your prices. They carry tiny little zipper wallets, filled with only dimes and quarters. There is no resisting it, they get the price they want.
– Next is the guy who doesn’t say hi and walks up the driveway like he’s going into a business negotiation. This guy has seen too many episodes of Storage Wars. Stern faced, he’s got his back up before you even answer the “How much is this” question. Eventually you find a middle ground, with him getting the last laugh. He doesn’t realize that you would have given it for free just to get rid of it.
– Two more to go. My second least favorite lurker is the person who pretends they don’t understand English in order to try and manipulate the prices. They take about 15 things and stumble out a broken “How Much?” before handing over 1/3 of what you said AND adding another 9 things to their pile. You have two choices here: Let them take advantage of you or Stand your ground and ask for more money. I used to be the first guy but now that I’m a cranky old man, I demand my money!
– Finally; and this is the worst perpetrator of them all; the guy in the van that drives around just as you are at the end of your Garage Sale rope, and collects all the crap you didn’t sell from the garbage pile at the end of your driveway. This is the cheapest person of them all. Too cheap to even offer $1 for the remaining items, this guy scoops it up as you are putting it in the trash. A complete classless jerk, he’s going to take your crap to a crappier place than you could ever dream of and make twice as much as you did with your entire crappy sale.
It’s not even worth the money you make to deal with the stress these people put you through for that 4 hour span. I cringe every time a car pulls up because I just want to be nice and have a pleasant conversation but I know they’re showing up to put me through the ringer about my prices.
Why must we continue to purchase crap we don’t need? How many trinkets and stuffed animals will enter my front door this year? Do I really NEED that 3rd BBQ set, just in case the other 2 break?
In closing, I Hate Garage Sales and will Never, Ever have another one as long as I live! Or at least not until my wife tells me to….
Cheers!!
Chris Read is the owner and writer of the blog Canadian Dad. Please feel free to stop by to say hi and/or follow on Twitter or Facebook