babs1-259x300I sat down tonight wanting to write a funny, clever, and touching story about my 30 hour old baby, Barbara Anne. While trying to think of what to write about, I was watching my baby cry, breath, and live.

Then I realized that right now, for this moment, I couldn’t write. All I wanted to do was watch her. I want to sing to her when she cries. I want her to hold my finger while she dozes off to sleep. I want to run my hands through her hair, and rub her feet.

I’m a very motivated guy, always looking for the next project, and taking my career to the next step. This won’t change, but for right now, I just want my baby. I want time to stand still. I want my wife, my baby, and me in a room together, just being.

Sadly, it’s not that easy. Our baby has a heart defect, and she has had two echocardiograms, an EKG, and a hospital transfer in the first 30 hours of her life. Barbara has another echocardiogram scheduled for tomorrow morning, and heart surgery for later this week.

But you know what? I love what is happening right now. I don’t love that she is sick, but I just can’t imagine it any other way. Lucy and I can handle this, and we will. Barbara Anne is going to be home in a few weeks, and I wouldn’t trade this time with her for anything.

I just like watching Barbara breath.

Her chests rises, and it goes down. Her stomach does the same. Her feet wiggle, and her hand reaches for my finger. She cries, and I sing until she stops. I’ll sing anything from Stevie Wonder to Eminem, and she loves it.

Life will continue soon, but for now, this is all that I want. Breath. Cry. Live. Love.

Then of course, I went to my laptop, and wrote this all down.