Numero Cinco! Welcome to month five of your pregnancy! In dog years, your baby is already a surly teenager or coming out of a quarter-life crisis. We think…… who knows, we suck at math. But what we don’t suck at is telling you what’s happening to your little amigo/ amiga, and the status of the ship he or she is riding in on. Your girlfriend, wife or lady you paid to carry the baby. We’re talking about your partner.
Increasingly, what was once a little bundle of cells is becoming a small human and his/ her needs are going to be more and more apparent. And because of this, your partner is going to increasingly find her needs and wants to be directly related. If this were a movie, the baby would look your partner in the eyes and say “I’m the captain now.”
So, what’s happening with Burrito? I’m calling the baby Burrito for now because by the end of this month, it’ll be approximately that size (10 inches long) and about the same weight as one (close to 1lb) Also it’s because I’m tired of writing “your baby” or “he/she.” Burrito it is!
Burrito is a fitting nickname, as this month the baby will become covered in Vernix caseosa – A greasy, white substance that resembles your favorite Mexican queso, which protects the burrito’s sensitive skin from that long soak in amniotic fluid.
Want to know the coolest part of this month? Burrito is now getting all muscled up and is able to move around. Mom is going to start feeling this inside her, even if you can’t just yet. The cool part is that the first movements are called The Quickening and we all know what that means. Tons of Highlander references and comments every time it happens!! We suggest this one while wearing a moderate amount of protective gear “ You have the manners of a goat, and you smell like a dung heap”.
Speaking of smelling and dung, here are some of the symptoms your lady friend might be going through. We’ll get into these more later…
- Increased appetite
- Bleeding Gums
- Absent Mindedness
So basically she’s you – before, on and after wing night.
Here are some tips for you to keep her more comfortable:
- Get a female friend who knows your wife to shop with you for stretchy pants
- We know you can shop. Your friend will make better fashion choices.
- Foot massages
- We cannot stress this enough.
- She’ll be peeing more and it’ll make her sleep less at night. Encourage her to set times for a nap. Especially if you have other kids.
Something to keep in mind, airbags can now be a hazard to that growing tummy. Not yours fatso, hers. Suggest she sit in the backseat whenever possible. You’ll get to feel like an Uber driver without the benefits or weekly direct deposit.